


Relief next to me

by taekookreads9



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Dirty Talk, Drama & Romance, Eventual Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Female Friendships, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Karin deserved more, Minor Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Past Abuse Implied, Sex, Side relationships mentioned, Slow Burn, Smut, Song references, Teen Romance, They’re seventeen don’t read if you’re uncomfortable, Trauma mentioned, body image issues, brief SasuNaru, content warning: past harassment mentioned, handjobs, just a love story with a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:53:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24644389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekookreads9/pseuds/taekookreads9
Summary: What could go wrong if one day, one of your friends since childhood, tells you she wants you to be her first time? Shikamaru could make a list of why he thinks it’s a terrible idea to have sex with Ino, but he eventually agrees to help her.
Relationships: Nara Shikamaru/Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 18
Kudos: 41





	1. made my decision to test my limits

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song by Tegan and Sara, although the best version for me it’s by MUNA. 
> 
> Thank you so much to @constelaciones (on Instagram) for beta reading this work <3 I love you!

Ino wakes up in the morning at the same time she always does. No need for an alarm because the sun is already shining through the curtains and on her face. It wasn’t a good night sleep. It has been like this for some weeks now. Ino has had all type of weird dreams and sleepless nights. There’s anxiousness on Ino’s mind lately, only she knows why. It has been on her mind for a while, she’s been too ashamed to admit it to herself, but today is different. There’s a plan.

Before running to school, Ino has a warm shower to shake off the thoughts that keep reminding her that she must be prudent. She doesn’t want to. Ino has a plan and she knows exactly to whom talk about it. Her cellphone ringtone distracts her for a moment. It’s Sakura. She’s already late and Sakura is waiting for Ino outside her house. Ino dresses quick, putting some eyeliner in the only perfect way she knows how.

The walk towards school is not long, Sakura talks about her plans for college. Ino feels a slight anxiety to think about college. This is supposed to be the last year of high-school, but Ino doesn’t want to think about it. It comes with a lot of stress to think about the future: what school do you want to get in, what major. Psychology is the answer for Ino, she likes it, at least Ino thinks she will love to study that. Ino has always thought she is not as hardworking as Sakura is to try to get into med school. Psychology will suit.

There’s something about being the last year of high school that makes Ino even more anxious. She made a list, a few years ago, of all the things Ino wants to do before she turns eighteen. And there’s one in particular, she can’t stop thinking about: Ino wants to have sex for the first time. It’s something she can’t shake it off. Ino doesn’t want to go to college before she can experience that. It’s beyond her control. Since Ino was a teenager, there has been these thoughts... always thinking about them. Intrusive ones. Her dad always used to say to her that she’s a good girl, but Ino never felt she was one, not even now. What’s a good girl even supposed to do? A “good girl” doesn’t dream to have sex all the time, Ino thinks. A “good girl” doesn’t have weird dreams, erotic dreams, if you want to named them like that. Surely, a “good girl” doesn’t spend too much time of her day thinking she wants to have experience before going to college, to have sweet, rough, sex with someone. Ino is sure there’s no such thing as a “good girl.”

“You’re really pensive today.” Sakura notices, as the two girls sit on a bench before going to their first class.

“I already made my mind last night.”

“About what?”

“About the thing.” Sakura already knows because of course Ino has shared some of her list to her friend.

“Oh, dear.”

“It’s not that bad, Sakura.” Ino rolls her eyes at her supportive friend. Sakura is Ino’s closest friend, but sometimes Sakura worries too much. She always says the things that Ino’s mom would tell her, but also Ino would never tell her mother about her sex life.

“Do I want to know what did you decide to do?” Sakura already dreads Ino’s answer.

“Have faith in me, Sakura. I’m not going to go to the first random boy I find on the streets.”

“I didn’t think that. But you’re unpredictable, Ino.”

“Do you want to know or not?”

“Okay. Tell me.” Ino looks in front of her, admiring the building of the high school. She spots a familiar face, the face she’s about to mention. He has olive skin, long hair tied back on a ponytail, dark eyes as his hair. Her longest friend.

“I’ll ask Shikamaru.” Sakura would spit all her coffee if she had one, anything really, even water.

“WHAT?”

“Think about it, Sakura. It’s perfect.”

“What’s so perfect about it, Ino!?” Sakura already knows it’s pointless to try to argue with Ino. When Ino decides something, nothing holds her back.

“Because, because he’s a dear friend of mine. I trust him. I trust him more than any other immature boy.”

“And what makes you think he will agree to help you with this?” Sakura is looking for all kind of possibilities this could end. It would be a disaster, a complete disaster, there’s no doubt about it.

“I’ll just have to convince him.” Sakura hides her face in despair.

“Ino. Ino, I’m not trying to act like a mother here, but don’t you think you would want to have your first time with someone you don’t have or need to convince?”

“I don’t have time for romantic shit, Sakura. Look where those wait-for-the-right-guy has brought me?”

Ino thinks of all failed dates. When she and Sakura were completely in love with Sasuke, even to the point where they would end their friendship for a stupid guy, and then, everything for that boy that turned out to be gay and is now dating Naruto. Not just that childish and teenage crush, but all those stupid dates, where the boy only wanted to full around, but never could compromise. Ino has no time for love. Ino doesn’t think she’s capable of romantic shit, not capable of loving.

“You know not all of us can afford being in love like Tenten and Neji, you know?” Ino says. Sakura thinks how lucky is Tenten. She’s so jealous deep within, not the bad jealousy kind, Sakura doesn’t like Neji. But she’s so envious of that certainty, of the time. Tenten and Neji had been dating for a year, they don’t even to show how in love they are because anyone can see it a thousand miles away. Ino remembers how her and Sakura wanted to know how Tenten’s first time was, trying to know all the juicy details. Tenten didn’t say much, but she looked so happy. Ino thought, does that really exist? That look, that certainty, that love.

“It’s your choice, Ino. I just don’t want you to rush too much.” Sakura makes an effort to worry for the last time. She knows Ino is a big girl and Sakura feels a light relief that Ino chose Shikamaru instead of any stupid, idiot, boy.

“Not rushing. I really want to do it.”

“With Shikamaru? Your best friend?”

“That’s why. Because he’s my best friend.” Sakura doesn’t know if she wants to punch Ino on the face or if she wants to slowly kill herself.

“Ino. Do you even like him, like, really like him?”

Ino stays quiet. She doesn’t want to say too much. Some things are better to left unsaid. Ino could tell Sakura about her secret crush with Shikamaru when she was fifteen; when Ino started to notice how Shikamaru was turning more into a man, not anymore a lazy boy who slept all the time he could. Ino is sure she doesn’t like Shikamaru that way, of course, he’s handsome, he has something. He’s attractive in his own way. Those chocolate eyes that pierces every soul that looks into him. He’s smart. Yes, that’s a plus. But, there have been always these rumors about Shikamaru, the way he’s so good with girls. He has never talked about it with Ino and Ino has never asked him about it. She doesn’t really want to know and Shikamaru would never tell her anyways. Ino is positive she doesn’t like him. But she trusts him, more than anyone, Shikamaru has always taken care of her, even with his lazy, annoyed, way to do things; with his endless effort to try to not show that he actually puts effort into things, into people.

“Sakura, I trust him, okay? Don’t you think that trust is very important if you are having sex with someone?”

The bell rings. Thank god, Ino thinks, I don’t have to keep talking about this. End of story.

“Okay, okay. You do your way, Ino.” Sakura gets exasperated, but eventually she lets her friend be. Sakura spares the take-care talk, she knows that Ino is already aware of what she needs to do.

—————————

School passes like any normal day, nothing important happens. Ino studies closely at her schedule, she’s supposed to have her tutoring with Asuma the next day. That means she will see Shikamaru then. Asuma is the teacher in charge to help Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji with their applications for college and tutoring, although they always end up talking about different things while drinking coffee, or eating anything that Chouji wants. It’s not like Asuma just neglects his roll as a teacher but the three students don’t really need tutoring. Despite that, principal Tsunade requested tutors for every high skilled student. Not that Ino ever thought to be an excellent student. She was very lucky, that’s all. If you ask Ino, she will always say she’s just average.

Ino changes her clothes, puts her favorite jeans shorts and a black sleeveless T-shirt. She doesn’t bother to fix her hair,she likes it long and straight. Before going out, she picks a few orchids at her mother’s flower shop and arranges the bouquet. Ino walks with one thing on her mind as she gets to Shikamaru’s house. She rings the doorbell and Shikamaru’s mother, Yoshino, opens the door smiling at the sight of orchids.

“Ino! What a pleasant surprise.”

“Hello, Yoshino. I brought this for you.”

“Thank you, Ino. They’re beautiful.” Yoshino let’s her in, already familiar with her son’s friend. Ino is always welcome at their place and she always feels welcome in this place.

“Shikamaru is outside at the garden doing something, probably reading. Why don’t you go with him? I have to leave for work in a few minutes.”

Before sliding the door that goes to the garden, Ino spots Shikamaru reading a book that’s probably for school. For a guy that claims he doesn’t care about anything, he always have his eyes under a book. Ino contemplates the sight and already starts to practice her speech on her head. Maybe you don’t have to plan anything, just go with it. Talk to him like a normal friend he is and then just ask him. 

“Hey, Shikamaru.” Ino is standing beside him, waiting for Shikamaru to notice her instead of his huge novel.

“Ino? Hey, I didn’t know you were coming.” Shikamaru places his book on a side and slightly stands up, yawning, tired from being too focused reading. “What’s up?”

“Nothing really.” Ino sits closer to him, feeling the wood of the bench on her thighs. She starts looking around, suddenly feeling nervous. “Just visiting.” Shikamaru raises an eyebrow.

“Don’t you have homework to do?”

“Not really.” Again, Ino looks away, contemplating whatever she can find on the garden. “Do you want to get some coffee?” Ino asks Shikamaru before he says anything.

“Okay, sure. Let’s go.” And Shikamaru stands up first, then reaching a hand for Ino to help her stand up. Ino takes his hand and gets up, resting her other hand on his chest to support her weight.

——————

“I can’t remember the last time you paid for my coffee.” Shikamaru looks surprised as they wait on the counter for their orders.

“Agh, not true. We always pay for each other’s things.”

“More like I always end up paying for most of your coffees.”

“Whatever. You’re my friend and I wanted to do something nice for you.” Shikamaru raises another eyebrow.

“Something nice?”

“Yes, something nice.”

They take their orders and walk towards the nearest free table, but Ino keeps walking to go to the farthest table, that way, no one will interrupt or listen to them. Shikamaru follows her, still pensive, still thinking Ino is plotting something. Probably, she wants to ask him help with a school paper, an essay. Shikamaru always proofreads Ino’s essays before she hands them in. Ino trusts him more than anyone, and Shikamaru is the most brilliant student without even trying.

“So what essay do you need help with?” Shikamaru asks as he takes from his pocket the cigarette pack. Ino rolls her eyes.

“I don’t need help with any paper, Shikamaru. Honestly, why it’s so hard to believe I want to spend time with you?” Ino says almost offended, even though deep down she knows she’s about to ask him something.

Shikamaru lights his cigarette, holding it down so the smoke doesn’t go towards Ino. _What an unholy vision_ , Ino thinks. _He suddenly looks hotter smoking and I always found it annoying._

“I do believe you want to spend time with me, but you always have something in mind. I know you.” Ino finds more irritating the way Shikamaru claims so confidently that he knows her. Of course he knows Ino, but he can’t know every dark spot, every secret she tries to hold in, all her anxieties and intrusive thoughts. _If you only really knew me, Shikamaru._ However, Ino realizes the way Shikamaru can read her expressions, sometimes even when Ino doesn’t really know how she is feeling.

“Fine.” Ino scoffs. “I do want to talk to you, Shika.” Ino turns serious, Shikamaru leaves his cigarette. If Ino islooking earnest, then it must be something important. He only hopes it’s not about some guy. Shikamaru swore some time ago he wouldn’t help Ino with men anymore. Just suddenly remembering how Ino used to order Shikamaru to talk to Sasuke and ask him something, whatever that might reveal that Sasuke liked Ino. All this trouble he had to go through so it turned out that Sasuke didn’t even like girls at all.

Shikamaru decides to give Ino the benefit of the doubt. He waits before jumping into conclusions, and listens to Ino.

“You have a lot of sex, right?” Ino asks so straightforward. Shikamaru almost chokes with his coffee and cigarette. He coughs and looks embarrassed.

“What!?”

“You have sex, right? I mean, you had sex before, with a lot of girls, right?”

“Ino.” Shikamaru gets himself together, clearing his throat. “That’s a weird question, and I don’t know where do you want to go with this. Why are you suddenly interested on my sex life?”

“I’m not interested. I just asked you if you have had sex, before..”

“Before as?” Ino gets exasperated.

“As you’re no virgin,” Ino remembers to lower her voice even though she so badly wants to scream at him.

Shikamaru still can’t believe this is happening. He had never talked about this with Ino. With no one, really, and the fact that Ino is the first one to ask him stuff about his sex life, after his father, it’s weird.

“No, I’m not a virgin, why the sudden interest?”

“Just asking.”

“You’re just asking?”

“Well, there are rumors. You know, rumors that you have plenty experience with girls.”

“WHAT THE HELL, INO. Look, I don’t know if I like where this is going.” Shikamaru looks embarrassed and mortified.

“Chill the fuck out, Shikamaru. I thought we were friends.”

“We are friends, Ino. But I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this with anyone, not even to Chouji, or Naruto, or with my dad. Specially my dad.”

“Listen, I’m not trying to know with how many girls you have slept. I swear.”

“Okay...”

“I just....” Ino stops, biting her lower lip.

“What? Are you in trouble?” Shikamaru looks concerned for a minute, but Ino shakes her head.

“There’s really no other way to put it. Shikamaru, I want to have sex with you.”


	2. Down came your innocence

Shikamaru never understood why or when those rumors even started. He knew that someone started saying that Shikamaru knew his way with girls, like he was some kind of sex master and greatly experienced. He never paid much attention to those rumors and when Naruto and Kiba once asked him if it was true, Shikamaru just kept quiet. Of course, his friends interpreted his silence as if it was true. Shikamaru knew sometimes girls whispered behind him and looked at him with sweet eyes, but he never really cared much about it. There were only rumors, far from the truth. 

Shikamaru didn’t consider himself as a master or experienced, either with girls or sex. He had sex with only one girl, and that was his ex girlfriend Temari. They dated for more than one year when they were sixteen and broke up some time ago. He never talked about it with any of his friends, nor with Chouji or Ino. He talked about it with Asuma but it was a small conversation and Shikamaru swore he was okay. There was no time right now to think about girls or dating someone. He only wanted to be left alone to read and solve silly mathematical problems. He didn’t ask for this rumor to bring him problems, and Shikamaru thought that it was just a drag, but now he’s listening to Ino, his forever friend, and she’s asking him to have sex with her. He never really asked for _this_ to happen. 

After some minutes of silence, an in between of shock and a are-you-kidding-me-right face, Ino said some things, but Shikamaru already knew the answer to Ino’s petition. 

“It’s not a good idea, Ino, I’m sorry.” 

“Why not? You’re one of my best friends, we know each other since forever, you’re the guy I trust the most. There’s no one more perfect than you.” 

Shikamaru felt a slight headache because he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He was supposed to have sex with a girl that Shikamaru only considered as his friend; she was very decided because _apparently_ he was so experienced.

“Listen, Ino. I can make you a list of more than fifty reasons why this is not going to work out– actually, why this is the worst idea ever.” Ino sighed but she wasn’t going to let go that easily.

“Shika, do you prefer my first time is with some stupid boy that might not even treat me right? That only wants me for my body and not for myself?” Sly Ino. 

“And why do you want so bad to have sex right now? Why can’t you just wait to have a boyfriend?” 

“Because I don’t want to, Shikamaru. I don’t want to have a boyfriend soon. I’m going to college and I don’t want to hook up with guys I don’t know if I haven’t had sex before with someone I care and trust!” 

“You really don’t have to rush things. They’ll just happen, you know. It will happen, eventually.” He really tried to convince, to try to reason with Ino, but deep down, Shikamaru knew that reasoning with Ino doesn’t work that easily. There’s something about Ino that makes Shikamaru nervous, and it always has. There’s some fearlessness in her eyes, the I-take-no-bullshit-from-anyone, and yet, there’s some kind of vulnerability, of empathy. He feels so intimidated, scared, because Shikamaru is good at reading people, but with Ino, it’s different. He’s afraid to read her, to find out what she really wants, and Shikamaru doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. 

“Are you not attracted to me? Do you think I’m ugly?” Ino asked Shikamaru, as if the reason was that. God, Ino was really hard to convince, Shikamaru thought. No, that was not the problem. Not that Shikamaru ever thought about Ino being attractive or not. He definitely doesn’t spend his time thinking if Ino is pretty or not. He never looked at her that way, at least that’s what Shikamaru thinks. He rolls his eyes whispering _what a drag_. That is definitely not the problem. 

“It’s not that, Ino. You–“ Shikamaru stays quiet. Ino looks at him, waiting for him to finish, impatiently. “You have to understand that this could change everything, and you know it.” Shikamaru says calmly. 

“It’s not going to happen, Shikamaru. I think we both have the capability to be casual about this and don’t let it ruin our friendship. I promise that I won’t get jealous if you start dating someone else later. I promise, Shika.” 

“And then I’m supposed to say to my girlfriend that I had sex with my friend?” 

“You just don’t tell her and that’s it.” God, if someone gave Shikamaru a penny for all the times that Ino exasperates him, he would be rich. And yet, Shikamaru doesn’t even know why, in the back of his mind, he’s actually considering it. He almost tells Ino, okay sure, why not? Let’s be casual. It’s just one time, right? I care about you, I mean, I’ve known you for too long. 

“Ino...”

“Okay, just think about it, okay? You don’t have to tell me right now. Think about it.”

“Ino, I really don’t feel comfortable feeling as your experiment.”

“Shika, you’re not my experiment!” Ino feels offended. She thinks if she gave that impression, but it’s not like that. Shikamaru is not her experiment. She wants to have sex with him, and that’s it. 

“I’m not– I’m not trying to– You’re not my experiment, Shikamaru. I only want to have sex with you, and it’s not because I want to know how it feels and then go with other guys. I’m not a whore, okay?” So now, Ino is the one acting offended, great.

“I never said you were a whore, Ino!”

“Okay, then just understand this, please.” Ino makes that face, those eyes. Ugh, he knows.

“I don’t want you to regret it later. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m not going to regret it, and you’re not hurting me, okay? And God, can you please not treat me like I am this dumb little girl? Like, there is something wrong with me and I can’t think or decide for myself? I have enough of that with my parents and mostly everyone else,” Ino feels her face hot and heavy. “The only reason that I want to do it with you is because I trust you, and there’s no one else I trust more in this life than you.” 

When Ino stops talking, she thinks that what she said came out way more intense than she wanted. It was sincere, genuine, and it scared her. Shikamaru feels a block of ice on his throat and he tries to gulp. 

“I don’t think you’re stupid, dumb, and I definitely don’t think there’s something wrong with you.” 

“Promise me you’ll think about it?” Shikamaru tries to look away, to hide, to not look at her eyes. 

“Fine.” And that’s when Shikamaru loses his battle.

——————

That night, Ino throws some salts to the bathtub that are supposed to make the bath relaxing. She ties up her long hair, looks at herself in the mirror as she undresses. The water is warm enough and Ino plays some music to help her relax. She thinks about the afternoon with Shikamaru, considers what answer Shikamaru can give her, and she’s not ready for a negative one. Ino is not going to force him if he doesn’t want to, but she’s not ready to give up her plans, to give up what she wants to do. She has already given up so many things. Sakura’s words rang on Ino’s mind again: _so just ask him out, date him like normal human beings, and then you have sex with him._ It’s not that simple and no one seems to understand it. And Ino is tired of people treating her like a child who’s not capable of making her own choices with her body. Why is it so bad to want to have sex even if you don’t have a boyfriend? She doesn’t need a boyfriend, Ino doesn’t want one, she’s sure of it. What for? Complicated relationships that end up with broken hearts and trust issues. That’s not for Ino. 

Deep in her reflections, Ino looks at her body as she dries herself with a towel. She doesn’t understand when she became this person Ino’s looking right now. Ino doesn’t even know who she is, what she’s supposed to be. Full of shame. Full of anxiety and fear. She looks at her hand and thinks of how ashamed she is of that hand, and how many times she felt repulsive, fearing to use that hand, to touch, to feel. Ino shakes her head, removing those ideas from her mind. A mind that is crammed with thoughts she can’t control and can’t understand. Why do you want so much something that you haven’t even tried before? Wanting something that looks forbidden, but it can’t be so off limits. Ino always thought something was wrong with her. Even today. 

_Bad news, I’ll probably die before I have you_ the song still plays.

———————

“Ino, where are you?” Tenten’s voice echoes on her ears. She takes off, Ino catches the sight of her friends, all together sitting on a table at the library. 

“Sorry, I was just thinking...” Ino turns to read her text book, not actually reading it. Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata look at each other. 

“Thinking of what? About a boy?” Tenten says whispering and smirks, trying to keep quiet at the library. 

“No, not at all.” Ino makes the effort to keep it together, to not be so obviously nervous and distracted. So what if Shikamaru doesn’t want to have sex? I’ll find someone. 

“So, why is everything about boys these days?” A voice from the other side of the table sounds. It's Karin. Karin is always reading or listening to music with her AirPods, not inviting anyone to speak to her. She always sits with Ino, Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata, even though she rarely talks with them. Karin is the kind of girl that is so hostile with you, yet for some reason she’s your friend. Actually, Ino doesn’t dislike her at all. In her weird way, Karin listens. 

“Is something bothering you, Karin?” Sakura adds, suspecting today the redhead is not in a good mood. Karin only scoffs. 

“Of course not.” While her expression says otherwise. 

“Did you have a fight with Suigetsu?” And Karin turns red. 

“What!? No! Why!? I’m not even dating him!?” The four friends shush her quickly remembering Karin that they are at the library. Some other people turn around to look at them, annoyed because of the mess. Karin turns to her book with a red face matching her hair. Sakura giggles a bit. 

Ino waits for the silence to wrap the library again, she leans to Sakura so Ino can whisper something to her ear. 

“I’m seeing him after school.” Sakura almost screams but keeps it together. She turns to see Ino, then her other friends that didn’t hear Ino. Sakura mumbles a Oh-my-god and Ino smiles, amused. Five minutes later, before they all go, Sakura whispers to Ino,

“Tell me everything later.” And Sakura stands up, pretending nothing happened, smiling to herself– a mix of excitement for her friend but also sensing this doesn't have a chance to end well. But she sure hopes it doesn’t end bad for Ino. 

—————————————

“Tell me again why you’re always reading this novel?” Shikamaru is standing in Ino's room, looking at her desk where Ino keeps some of her favorite novels. Of course the first thing Shikamaru noticed was the book Ino was reading, again. 

“It’s about first impressions, he was rude at first but he ended up liking her. Sometimes, first impressions are wrong.” 

“Can’t understand what’s so good about it.” 

“You haven’t even read _Pride and Prejudice_ , of course you don’t understand it.” Ino scoffs.

“You are biased because it’s your favorite.” Shikamaru teases her. 

“Don’t talk about my novels, Shikamaru.” Ino warns him. “Until you read it, you can’t say anything.” Ino sits on her bed, pretending to fold some of her clothes, 

“And this is not my favorite, for your information.” Ino adds. 

“I’ve seen you at least ten times carrying that book.” Shikamaru sits on the chair next to her desk. 

“But it’s not my favorite, and if you don’t know which one is my favorite then you’re not my friend.” 

“I know what’s your favorite.” Shikamaru says confidently. 

This again. The thing that irritates Ino so much; Shikamaru thinks he knows Ino so well. Ino doesn’t know if it upsets her because it’s true or not. Maybe he knows the easy things, the most easy ones, but Shikamaru doesn’t know what’s on Ino’s mind. He can’t. These thoughts upset Ino so much and she looks down, contemplating her feet. Shikamaru stands up from the chair and walks to sit next to her. It makes her stomach tighten with the anticipation, and suddenly, Ino doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do now– how to start. 

Somehow it makes her feel guilty that she wants something that maybe is not seen as normal. Perhaps, your first time doesn’t have to be with the love of your life or your first boyfriend, people expect too much about the first time, and Ino refuses to act like she’s “supposed” to. She longs for this moment and Ino hasn't even experienced it. But she knows she wants it. 

“Are you okay?” Shikamaru tries to catch her stare. Maybe to understand what she's thinking. 

“I’m okay.”

“Do you want to watch a movie?” Ino smiles at the offer because it seems that Shikamaru wants to do something so Ino isn’t nervous. And they could watch a movie and pretend to see it and then at the middle of the movie, they would look at each other, Shikamaru’s arms hesitating if it is okay to put his arm around her, and then maybe they could kiss and let the movie play on the background while they make out. And Ino had pictured how this moment could go in so many different ways, so many possibilities, but she can’t remember anything about those scenarios. Shikamaru is standing so close to her and it had never made any difference to her that closeness, but today it changed and Ino leans to him and kisses Shikamaru, resting her hands upon his shoulders. And the kiss keeps going, with neither of the two thinking this is too awkward or wrong and that they have to stop it. It’s not bad. It’s not gross. It’s not wrong. They just keep going. 

When Shikamaru dares to let go of the kiss so he can look at Ino’s gaze, he finds that there’s not a sign on Ino indicating that she changed her mind. Shikamaru hesitates. He wants to keep kissing, surprisingly, but doesn’t want to be too intense. Ino, thankfully, takes the lead to move him closer and some minutes later they are laying on the bed, Shikamaru on top of her while Ino tries to move his waist closer to hers. Maybe it feels like she’s rushing it but Ino wants to undress. She can’t wait to undress him and they don’t have the luxury to take their time because Ino’s parents will be home at night. Shikamaru only complies, following her, not thinking too much like he always does. As much as he is ashamed to think it, it’s been a while since Shikamaru had sex, and he can’t control the way his body reacts looking and touching Ino. And Ino sits to take her shirt off, thinking that it’s not as bad as she thought it would be. Her long time friend is watching her only with a bra. 

There’s this look on Shikamaru’s face that makes Ino feel so secure because she can sense she has an effect on him. It’s not awkward. And Ino is suddenly helping him too to take off his shirt, looking closely at his abdomen and liking what she is seeing. When Shikamaru kisses her again, pulling her to his chest, Ino finds that his touch makes her shiver and it feels good. Tingles on her stomach start to rise and in no time they have no pants on and they are sitting and standing on the bed. Shikamaru and Ino lay again on the bed just looking at each other, but close enough so they can feel their breathings. Ino promised to herself she would not have the time to feel nervous. 

“Is this okay?” Shikamaru asks, not really sure what part of this he is talking about. 

“It’s okay.” But neither move, waiting for something to happen so they could dare to do what’s next.

“Is it weird?” Ino asks, scared of his response. 

Shikamaru sighs, “I don’t know.” He looks at her, contemplating the figure in front of him, the figure he never imagined before, but that’s turning him on in a way he hadn’t expected. Shikamaru wants to do something badly, maybe to take off her bra and her panties, but he waits. “Is it weird for you?”

“No. It’s not,” Ino answers and kisses him before everything goes away, before they can change their mind. She likes the way he kisses and the way he tastes. Ino is sure it’s not weird because everything inside her tells her that she wants it. And she takes off the last things covering her body, liking the way Shikamaru looks at her, like Ino is not just any friend. And the things that have always been there, underneath her, deep within, explode and take her in. 

—————

“Is it okay?” Shikamaru asks. Ino nods but she feels a pain she hadn’t expected. 

“Y-Yes.” Ino hisses and Shikamaru stops.

“Ino. Tell me” 

“Just– try again.” Ino feels the pain again and she is having a hard time pretending she doesn't. She hisses again and Shikamaru stops, looking at her concerned. 

“Ino,” and he never stops looking at her, not moving. “Sometimes it’s like this.”

“No- maybe- just give me a second.” 

“Ino, no, if it’s hurting we should stop.” Ino takes a deep breath and it does hurt when he tries to enter, and she can’t hide it. No point in hiding it. 

“Maybe it’s the condom.”

“It would be the same without, Ino.” 

“Can we try again?” 

“I don’t think it’s a good–“ Ino cuts him off and brings him closer to her, to the same position they were before. She tries to stretch her legs more, and they both help each other to move. Ino leads Shikamaru so he can thrust her, but when he is at it again, the pain returns, and Ino gasps. Shikamaru instantly stops and looks at her worried, caressing her arms.

“It’s okay, Ino. Sometimes it’s like this.” Shikamaru moves beside her, not leaving his sight off her. 

“I didn’t know it would hurt this much.” Ino feels like crying, but she sure isn’t going to be vulnerable in front of him like this. 

“Hey, it’s okay. And you know there’s nothing wrong and it’s the first time. It’s normal.” Shikamaru tries to soothe Ino while she stays quiet and hides her face resting on his arms, not wanting to look at him because Ino feels ashamed. 

“Let’s just keep trying.” 

“There’s no rush to do this today, Ino.” He keeps caressing her. 

“Fuck, this is embarrassing.” 

“It’s not. It’s normal.” 

“In movies they make it look like it’s easy.”

“Movies are always wrong.” And it makes Ino smile a little. 

“But I really want it, Shikamaru.”

“There’s nothing wrong if it’s not today, Ino.” 

Ino can’t help feeling embarrassed because this is not the way she expected her afternoon to end. She is still red on her face, but it’s nice to feel she didn’t make a wrong choice. Ino knows why she wanted to do this with him, with Shikamaru and no one else. 

——————

Ino can’t sleep and she keeps thinking how much she wants to be turned into a bird and fly away from embarrassment. She can still slightly feel a kind of pain on her vagina and it makes her want to check, but Ino stops moving. Her hips are aching a little bit and it makes Ino wonder how her body is supposed to work when her mind wants nothing more than fucking Shikamaru. Her cellphone buzzes and it distracts her from the thoughts. 

_Sakura_

How did it go???

_Ino_

Dying of embarrassment. It was awful. 

_Sakura_

What??? Why??? Did he do something???

_Ino_

No, he was okay. We just... couldn’t.... I couldn’t. There’s something wrong with me and apparently my vagina is too tight or something.

_Sakura_

Ino... there’s nothing wrong with you! Each body is different, remember what Shizune told us on Sex Health class? 

_Ino_

Still embarrassed. 

_Sakura_

Was he good to you at least? Was it weird kissing Shikamaru? How was it?

_Ino_

He was more than good to me, he kept asking every second if I was okay and then panicked when I said I was in pain. 

He is a really good good good kisser, Sakura. 

Like, really good....

_Sakura_

Skcnesjcdnakakadjdj!!!

Okay..... calm down, Ino....

_Ino_

Just saying, don’t mind making out with him in the school’s bathrooms ;)

_Sakura_

take a deep breath there, Ino..... 

————

Next day at school, Ino feels sore at her hips and legs, as if she had done a lot of exercise. She doesn’t know why she feels that way because, technically, Ino didn’t have sex. Ino never imagined it would be this hard to finally do it. Before lunch break and before seeing Shikamaru and the rest of her friends, Ino decided to go to the library. She doesn’t know what to do there, but Ino wants to talk to someone so badly. She can’t talk to her mother, she’s embarrassed even to go to any of her female teachers like Kurenai or Shizune. But, as Ino walks through the shelves of the library, she spots Karin sitting on a table. Normally, Ino wouldn’t go to Karin, but this was an emergency to Ino. 

“Hey, Karin.” Ino sits on a chair in front of the redhead. Karin looks at her and smiles slightly– her way to say hello. Ino likes Karin. Sure, Karin is a little bit weird, antisocial, hostile, but there’s something about her that makes Ino feel comfortable. Ino turns around to make sure there are not a lot of students near,

“Can I ask you something, please?” Karin looks at Ino puzzled and leaves her book to the side. Ino suddenly feels nervous. She hopes Karin doesn’t get angry for asking her this. 

“I’m– this is embarrassing, but I feel like you’re the only one I can talk about this. I– yesterday I was about to have sex with a guy and I just... we couldn’t.” Ino doesn’t dare to look at Karin into her eyes, but the red-haired stays quiet, listening to Ino. 

“And, well, I– I was wondering if you, you know, I’m sorry but I need to talk to someone that has had sex before.” Ino expects Karin to yell at her, angry, maybe even to punch Ino in the face, but Karin is calm. She smiles slightly and there’s a sudden blush on her cheeks. 

Karin had never talked about her sexual life with Sakura or Ino, or to any other girl friend– anyone. However, Ino knew that the red-headed girl was kind of dating or seeing Suigetsu. They were both friends with Sasuke and every time Ino spotted the little group, Karin and Suigetsu were always bickering in an intimate way that can’t be described. And when they were not quarreling, the two were always close to each other, like magnets, and it was an unspoken, implied thing, maybe, that gave the vibe or impression that they were more than just schoolmates. 

“I don’t know if I’m the best person to talk about this, Ino, but what’s troubling you?” 

“I guess, I wanted to know if having sex for the first time is really hard, or easy.”

“Mmm, well, I think having sex for the first time is like... riding a bike.” Ino startles at this.

“What do you mean!?” 

“Yeah. It’s like learning to ride a bike. At first it hurts as hell and you gotta keep trying many times to find the balance and go on your own, and then your body doesn’t hurt anymore.” Ino doesn’t understand Karin’s metaphor. Does sex has to do with balance?

“So I need to find balance to have sex?” Ino asks, confused.

“No, not that. I meant that it’s better with practice. The first time you ride a bike it hurts your vagina and then your hips and your legs are sore– everything hurts, but then you keep practicing and going and it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Ino knows that Karin wants to help her but Ino can’t help to feel scared and anxious. She’s starting to freak out and Karin notices it.

“Okay, forget about the bike. You told me you couldn’t yesterday, was it because it hurt too much when he tried to...?”

“Yeah. It hurt as fuck. But I really wanted to do it, you know? And I don’t know why, but I guess I was too tight, he couldn’t put his thing inside me.” Karin giggled quietly with scarlett red on their cheeks.

“Ino, you know that’s pretty normal, right? Just because they don’t often show that on movies it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Your muscles aren’t used to that exercise and they just have to stretch and get used to it. Just try to breathe and don’t worry about it too much.” 

Ino sighs, she feels better than before but Ino didn’t want to try many times. She wanted it to be a just one time thing. Something easy that happens to you and then you just move on. Even though the thought of keep making out with Shikamaru excited her, it didn’t bother her at all. Ino was suddenly looking forward to it– to keep trying, to keep kissing. 

“Thanks, Karin.” 

“No problem.” They stay quiet for a moment, but both look like they want to keep talking. 

“Umm, so, did you have to try a lot of times before you finally could?” Ino asks. 

“Maybe two or three times.” Ino feels relieved. Doesn’t sound like a lot. 

“But, you know, he was... he was nice and patient, and well, that helped.” Karin blushed, knowing Ino knew who she was talking about.

“Yeah,” Ino smiles. “Mine too.” Karin looks at her suspiciously,

“Can I guess who he is?” Ino laughs, 

“I’ll tell you in a few days, hopefully.” Smiling nervously and suddenly feeling much better; hoping tonight or tomorrow she could be kissing Shikamaru again. 

——————

“Shikamaru!” The brunette startles at the voice of Ino yelling at him and running to him like something urgent just happened. He was sitting on a bench, minding his own business, and hiding from Asuma and Kakashi who had decided to hand Shikamaru a lot of chores and extracurricular activities. Annoying. 

Shikamaru looks at Ino sitting next to him. He thinks of last night, when they were naked and kissing on her bed. The way it felt so good and right, and now they are here. Talking, like friends, is just normal. 

“I know now what we must do,” Ino says cheerfully and Shikamaru doesn’t know what she’s talking about. 

“It’s like riding a bike, Shika. We just need to keep practicing. So, tonight again?” 

“What are we talking about, again?” Shikamaru scratches the back of his hair. 

“You and me having sex, silly.” Shikamaru blushes and turns around to check there was no one near that could hear them. 

“Riding a bike? What?” Ino rolls her eyes not believing how he was not understanding. 

“Yeah, it’s just like that. We just need to keep trying, Shikamaru. To have sex.” Ino says almost whispering. She stands up, grabbing her bag, ready to leave.

“See you later, Shikamaru.” Ino smiles at him with some kind of complicity but looking excited, determined, and happy. Shikamaru knows what she’s talking about but he’s confused about the bike metaphor. 

“Okay, but what’s the bike have to do with it?” He asks before Ino leaves. 

“Ugh, don’t you remember!?” Shikamaru stays quiet and Ino rolls her eyes again. “Honestly, Shikamaru. You taught me to ride a bike when we were kids. It makes sense now, right?”

_What in God’s name is she talking about ‘it makes sense now?_ ’

But the truth is, he does remember about that time when Shikamaru taught her to ride the bicycle. And now he keeps reminiscing about those days when Ino was yelling at him and ordering to not let her go or she would fall. 

_“Don’t you dare to push me and let me go! I’ll haunt you for the rest of your days!”_

_Shikamaru gulps, scared. Ino is really annoying and scary when she gets mad._

Shikamaru never let her go, of course, but Ino is still haunting him even now, years later. It makes him nervous– too scared to scratch beneath, to untangle the thoughts on his mind. He walks towards home, not feeling like it. If he could spend his time outside rather than at his house, Shikamaru would feel better. He’s not ready today to face whatever his father wants him to do; the endless conversations about Shikamaru’s future, how he is the only son, how Shikamaru will be, eventually, the responsible of the family business, of everything. And Shikamaru hates feeling this pressure, this responsibility his father put him on his shoulders. 

“I’m home.” Not a bit excited, he announces. 

“Shikamaru, your father is looking for you,” his mother, Yoshino, welcomes him. 

Shikamaru goes looking for his father, Shikaku, at his office. Shikaku asks him about school, because that’s what matters the most to him.

“Asuma told me about your perfect scores, son. I’m very proud of you.” Shikaku doesn’t smile often, but when Shikamaru does something good at school, the father is always warm towards him. “Be sure to do all the extra curricular activities your teachers hand you, it is important that the Nara family still makes a good impression.”

“Yes, father.”

“So, are you studying today?” Shikaku asks. 

“I’m actually going to Ino’s. We are supposed to tutor freshman students for the extra curricular activity, me and Ino are together on a team.” Shikamaru technically didn’t lie. They are supposed to tutor freshman students, but the teams are not decided yet, and Shikamaru is not really working alongside Ino. But it doesn’t matter, because Shikamaru doesn’t need to study today. He doesn’t need to work harder. Even if he doesn’t study, Shikamaru has good grades and he won’t disappoint his dad. He shouldn’t go to Ino’s but this is bigger than him. Shikamaru promised Ino to do this, so he needs to go. He wants to go. 


	3. come be my teacher

Ino finds herself again making out with Shikamaru in her room. This time it was Shikamaru who kissed her first and it felt even better than the first time; maybe they were too nervous, thinking about the implications. Whenever Shikamaru opens his mouth to find Ino’s tongue with his own, Ino feels tingly all over, stomach tight with wanting him. She actually wants to keep going, to go further and not knowing when she should stop. 

Some minutes later they are laying on the bed and Shikamaru keeps pulling Ino by her waist to keep her close to his body. Shikamaru is shirtless and so is Ino. The room only echoes with their mouths and tongues touching, sometimes gently and others desperate. 

“Do you want to?” Ino whispers into his mouth. 

“Yeah.” Shikamaru gets through. 

Ino doesn’t think about how much it hurt the first time, she only wishes this time can be different. She wants it so much, to feel him inside her. It’s so messy the way they keep touching each other, urgently. And just like that, Shikamaru is on top of her touching her thighs and Ino likes the way it feels, and then she feels his hand is slowly reaching the fabric of her panties. Ino wants him to feel how wet she is, but a sudden memory frightens her. Ino moves quickly.

“I’m sorry,” Ino says to Shikamaru taking away his hand from there. Shikamaru doesn’t say anything, but he looks at her. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just don’t want… you know, can we not use hands, please?” 

“No problem.” Ino feels relieved that Shikamaru didn’t ask why. 

“I was just thinking that maybe that could help to stretch.” 

“Oh… I don’t know. Can we just try without that?” Ino asks him and Shikamaru smiles in a way to let her know that it’s okay and just kisses her again. 

Shikamaru feels that Ino is nervous to feel the pain again and he desperately wants to help, he doesn’t want to hurt her. Ino helps Shikamaru to take off his underwear feeling his hard dick all over her hand and she likes it. Ino feels the sudden agitation and she wants it to be perfect this time. She helps him to put on his condom and Shikamaru stays close to her, watching her gaze, feeling her lips. 

“Is it okay?” He breathes into Ino’s mouth.

“Yeah, it’s okay.” Ino likes that, how he always asks and that he is always careful. And Ino feels a pressure, a slight burn again, but she doesn’t move and she tries to just breathe. Shikamaru notices it and stops.

“You can keep going.”

“Tell me when it’s okay or if it hurts too much.” Ino nods and feels her heart race at a ridiculous speed she hasn’t felt before. The pressure comes again and Ino hisses, frustrated with herself but she tries to stretch her legs wider and placing them around Shikamaru’s waist. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Just nervous,” Ino answers. Shikamaru goes slow and suddenly stops to look at her. 

“Tell me about your favorite novel.” Ino raises her eyebrow. Is this a good time to talk about this and why bring it up now?

“What!?” 

“Tell me about  _ Wuthering Heights _ and why you love it so much.” Ino understands that Shikamaru asks this to help her feel less nervous and she appreciates it but it’s quite weird.

“I’m not going to talk about it now.” Ino tries to breathe, pulling Shikamaru closer with her legs. She wants to feel him inside now. 

“Just tell me, come on.” And Shikamaru keeps trying, being careful, and noticing every reaction that Ino makes. 

“Okay, so,” Ino tries to start talking as she breathes with her mouth. “It’s about revenge, mostly. But there’s this tragic love story, and..” Ino feels the pressure again and she thinks that maybe finally Shikamaru is inside but she keeps talking, not knowing what to do. Ino talks about Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff, and then Shikamaru tries to thrust her, slowly, and Ino only moans. 

“Are you okay?”

“Just keep going,” Ino demands but then the pain comes back and she feels drained and tired even though Ino swears she didn’t do anything to feel tired. Shikamaru notices it and stops moving.

“Is it… inside?” Ino asks him.

“Just the tip.”

“WHAT!?” 

Shikamaru leaves a kiss on her chin and gently stops moving. He slowly gets off her being careful to not hurt her. 

“I’m sorry, Shika.” Ino feels more embarrassed than the first time. “You’re probably going to get tired of me or hate me.”

“Ino, don’t be ridiculous,” Shikamaru sighs. “It’s okay, and I definitely don’t hate you.” 

“I feel all sore.” 

“It’s okay, Ino. I promise you it really is.” Shikamaru soothes her again and caress her face, touching her cheeks and feeling how soft her skin is,

“But actually, there’s something that’s bothering me.”

“What?” Ino asks, scared.

“Why do you love this novel so much with such horrible, crappy people?” Shikamaru smirks. 

“THEY'RE NOT HORRIBLE CRAPPY PEOPLE.” 

Ino forgets what they were doing minutes before, she doesn’t feel embarrassed anymore and Ino doesn’t think that something is wrong with her– a thought that is always present in her mind. Shikamaru sighs, rolls his eyes, amused at Ino’s reaction. 

————————

“Can I ask you something?” Shikamaru asks Ino. They are walking together after being at Ino’s just minutes before. Ino suddenly wanted to walk and go for a coffee, and Shikamaru, not wanting to go back home and face his dad, agreed to go with her. It’s almost dark, there are a lot of people walking through the streets. They pass a lot of food places and coffee shops. They don’t stop and keep walking, just enjoying the walk. 

“Sure,” Ino answers intrigued.

“Before, when I was about to touch you,” Shikamaru makes a little pause, “there, I thought you seemed somehow scared, and I just wanted to ask you if there’s a particular reason you didn’t want it, but it’s also okay if you don’t want to tell me what it is.” Shikamaru rushes the last words, worried that Ino might get offended. He doesn’t mean to bribe too much, he genuinely cares.

“Oh… I don’t know.” Ino stays a moment quiet, not particularly knowing what to say. There’s so much to think, to explain, to articulate, and it’s hard to find the words to start. 

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable talking about it. I understand.” Shikamaru reassures her, trying to catch her gaze. 

Ino appreciates Shikamaru’s concern and it somehow moves her. She feels warm inside, but maybe that’s a talk for another day. 

“It’s okay, Shika, don’t worry,” Ino smiles at him, but Shikamaru notices her eyes are sad. “I just really don’t know what to say. There’s not a particular reason, I just freaked out.” Ino tries to avoid his stare, afraid that Shikamaru would read too much into her expression. Maybe there’s a particular reason, but Ino doesn’t want to scratch it tonight.

“I understand.” Shikamaru hides his hands in the pocket of his jeans. He always walked like that, with a slow pace, wandering. “You know, I never understood why you ended up wanting to have sex with me. I thought you were dating other people.” 

“I’m not dating anyone,” Ino laughs quietly, but avoids explaining why she wanted to have sex with him particularly. “I don’t like dating.” 

Shikamaru reacts so shocked. He can’t believe what he’s hearing. Ino, who always wanted a boyfriend, who was so in love with Sasuke, and read so many novels that had a love story. Ino, who loved romantic movies, who talked about boys most of the time. 

“Really!?” 

“It takes too much effort. I just don’t like it anymore. I guess I didn’t have nice experiences in that field.”

“They were also gay like Sasuke?” Shikamaru teases her. 

“That would’ve been better, probably,” Ino giggles. “The truth is, last time my date sucked big time and I just lost hope.” Shikamaru looks at her, thinking if it’s okay to ask what happened or is it crossing a line. He doesn’t want to make Ino uncomfortable, but he doesn’t say anything and just keeps listening.

“The last guy took me out for a tea and at first everything seemed fine but then he asked me to walk with him somewhere and then we were suddenly standing outside a motel. He asked me if I wanted to fuck with him there and it just made me feel so… angry, degraded…” Ino stood talking, realizing that she just told Shikamaru what she didn’t want to tell anyone, not even Sakura. Because Ino thought it wasn’t worth it to make such a big deal out of it, but it was, it was for her. 

“What!?” Shikamaru stops walking. He turns around to face Ino and she is afraid to look at him. 

“Ino, are you serious? Who was he?” Shikamaru never raises his voice. Ino has seen him mad, but he never yells. However, Ino notices Shikamaru’s angry tone and she’s scared that Shikamaru might overreact about this. 

“Shika, please don’t make a big fuss about this. I never told anyone, especially my parents. Please don’t say anything.” 

“Ino, of course I won’t tell your parents but what– who was he? Do I know him? What a bastard.” 

Ino reaches for Shikamaru’s hand and she holds it tight. She tries to pull him into keep walking next to her. Ino doesn’t want to confront him, doesn’t want him to keep asking.

“Some stupid guy, Shika. He’s not in school anymore.” She makes Shikamaru keep walking but he’s still looking at her even though she avoids his stare.

“He didn’t force you, right?”

“No! Of course not. I left right away, but I felt humiliated, and I also couldn’t believe it. It was just an asshole. He asked me out and I never thought it would end up like this. He seemed so smart at school, like a nice guy. I was wrong.” Ino doesn’t say that she hates herself so much for this and other things; that she feels unworthy, because everything that has happened to her, has made her feel like she’s nothing.

“Hey,” Shikamaru tries to stop walking again but Ino keeps holding his hand and she’s moving so fast, “it’s not your fault.”

Ino looks at the pavement beneath her. She feels her stomach in her throat, fearing that she will cry but Ino swallows the feeling and just thanks him. It’s a feeling she doesn’t remember experiencing it before with any man. 

“Can you tell me who he is so at least I can avoid him for the rest of my life?” 

“You don’t need to avoid him because he’s not at school anymore. His name was Aoba and he is one year older than us.” 

“Aoba? I know him. I never exchanged more than five words with him but I know him.” Shikamaru feels anger arising from his stomach to his throat. Damn it, how much he wants to control that fury. Suddenly wanting to clench his fist, Shikamaru calms down, feeling Ino’s hand still holding him. He lets go of the anger because Shikamaru won’t accomplish anything with it. 

“I’m sorry, Ino. If I knew that he…”

“Shika, it’s fine. Please promise me you won’t do anything.” Ino looks at him the same way she does when Ino wants something and pouts. But he can sense that Ino is worried and serious. 

“I won’t do anything, Ino.” Shikamaru forces a smile, he sees they are just one block away from his house. 

Ino stops walking, realizing they are so close to Shikamaru’s. Maybe she needs to turn around, but the truth is, Ino feels exposed, she feels as an open book, and Ino never wanted that. It’s too late, Ino feels vulnerable. She wants to run away before it’s too late but something moves within her, involuntarily, and Ino moves closer to Shikamaru and kisses the corner of his mouth, saying goodbye. Shikamaru freezes but feels warm inside, wanting to kiss her too. Before he can do anything, Ino turns around and leaves. He didn’t get to ask her if she was okay going back home alone. 

This is why Shikamaru thought all  _ this _ was a bad idea. This was one of the reasons he thought it was the worst idea to get intimately involved with Ino. Now he feels these things, like anger towards that bastard he doesn’t even know that well. Shikamaru feels a strange desire to be close to Ino and just be there for her. He has always cared but something has changed.  _ What a drag. _

————————

Two days later, Ino is pretending to study with Sakura in some corner at the library. She already knows the subject, but Sakura insists to read it and learn it all again. They have an important exam soon, but Ino can’t help to have different priorities right now. The weekend is close and she has two tickets to a festival near town. Ino was supposed to go with Tenten, but kinda fortunately for Ino, Tenten had to cancel. Fortunately because this means that Ino can ask Shikamaru– the person she really wants to go with. Sakura, as usual, notices that Ino is thinking about something else, so she stares at her until Ino comes back to earth. 

“Ino.” Sakura calls her. Ino shakes her head.

“What? I’m sorry, I did hear you.”

“No, not that.” Sakura shakes Ino’s elbow and points with her head towards a nearby table. Ino spots a tall guy with pale face and black hair. It’s Sai. Ino had a crush on him nearly after Sasuke, but Sai never seemed interested in her. But now Ino looks at Sai smiling at her while reading a book from the other table. Ino looks at Sakura confused. 

“What’s with him?” Ino asks Sakura cautiously, barely moving her lips. When Sai turns his stare to the book, Sakura answers Ino, 

“I think he was smiling at you, Ino.” 

“Me? Maybe he was smiling at you.” 

“I don’t think so. I thought you liked him!”

“I did, some time ago. I don’t know now.” Ino looks pensive and Sakura notices it. Sakura wonders if Ino’s sudden change of mind has to do with another boy– Shikamaru. Sakura stays silent for a while, not wanting to scare off Ino if she decides to inquire into Ino’s making out with her friend. But then, she does. 

“So, what’s you with you and Shikamaru?” She tries to sound as casual as she can. Ino pretends she is into her textbook about biology. 

“Umm, you know, the usual. I’ll keep trying with him.” Ino hopes she sounded uninterested, she really doesn’t want Sakura telling her she needs to be careful and whatever Sakura has told her before about her friendship with Shikamaru. Suddenly, both girls see that Sai is walking towards them. 

“Hey, Ino. Hey, Sakura.” He says politely. 

“Hi!” say Sakura and Ino at the same time. 

“Ino, so Kakashi told me that we were probably going to be teamed up for the tutorings.” Ino didn’t know about that. 

“Really? Well, cool. I guess I’ll see you around, then.”

“Sure!” Sai smiles again and leaves. This time, Sakura doesn’t tease Ino about him and the blonde is thankful for that. 

There’s something about Sakura mentioning Sai that upsets Ino in a way and she doesn’t know why. Ino knows that she is reading too much into that, but she can’t help feel annoyed whenever someone tells her about a boy liking her. For some reason, thinking about Sai makes her feel like shit and it’s something hard to explain. Ino’s intrusive thoughts come again and she hates it. She hates the way those thoughts fill her mind and these ideas invade everything. Ino remembers. Ino’s traumas come back to her mind and she hates it. Ino thinks about things she only wants to forget forever. Ino hates the way men look at her, she doesn’t like being looked at. She doesn’t care about any boy, any man. She wants to be left alone. Ino thinks of Shikamaru and how she told him about Aoba,

_ Why the fuck did I told him that?  _

_ I hate this, I hate everything, I hate being like this.  _

That’s why it was so important for Ino choosing whom she wants to have sex with, or kiss, or be intimate with. Because it gives her control. Because the intrusive thoughts don’t bother her. That’s why she only wants right now to be with Shikamaru.

—————————

Shikamaru was just minding his own business hanging with Naruto, Chouji, and Kiba. He was barely paying attention because, as usual, Kiba and Naruto were making a lot of noise and Chouji was quietly enjoying his lunch. However, Naruto mentioned something that Shikamaru couldn’t avoid. 

“...and then Sakura told me that Sai might be into Ino…” 

“What?” Shikamaru asked. Naruto turned to him and kept talking. 

“Well, poor Sai he hasn’t dated anyone for a while. I think he likes Ino but I’m not sure.” 

“Oi, Shikamaru. Ino is your friend, does she like Sai?” Kiba asking this to Shikamaru annoyed him very much for reasons he can’t understand. What most annoys Shikamaru is being dragged into his friends’ love lives. He wasn’t interested in playing Cupid again and he’s certainly not asking Ino about Sai.

“I don’t know. I don’t care to be honest.” Shikamaru tries to say unbothered. 

“We could ask Chouji here, but he seems more interested in his food.” Kiba jokes. 

“Anyway, I think Kakashi teamed up Sai with Ino for the tutorings, maybe they’ll hang out more.” The sudden interest for Ino and Sai made Shikamaru feel uncomfortable, and he hated it,

“What? Teamed up?” 

“Yeah, you’re probably going to be working with Chouji or me,” Naruto giggled. 

Shikamaru is sure that he has nothing against Sai, and of course, not that he cares with who Ino goes out, but Shikamaru feels this weird thing on his chest. Shikamaru remembers he felt the same way two days ago when Ino told him about the Aoba shit guy. Shikamaru focuses on other things, he lets his friends ramble about food and other stuff and only talks when they ask him something. 

————————

“So, you’re asking me to team you up with Ino because you work better together?” Kakashi listened to Shikamaru’s request. The brunette student went to Kakashi right after the conversation about Ino and Sai. He knew he was being selfish probably, but Shikamaru knows that Ino and him work better together. They’ve always been a good team. 

“Yes. Think about it, Ino and I have worked together for many years, and we have known each other for a long time, so we can tutor the freshman students better.” 

“Right.” Kakashi answered, suspiciously. 

“And I think Sai is too serious and I don’t think he would be a good teammate for Ino, you know.” 

_ Poor kid, trying to come up with excuses to hide his feelings _ , Kakashi thought. 

“Okay, Shikamaru. Then you and Ino will be in charge of group two and I’ll team Sai with Naruto,” Kakashi adds with a smile. He wouldn’t have agreed if Shikamaru wasn’t such a good student. 

“Great. Thank you, Master Kakashi.” 

Shikamaru leaves Kakashi’s office not feeling very proud of himself. He actually doesn’t understand why it bothered him so much a stupid arrangement of teams. But if he is already spending time with Ino, then being on a team with her would be easier. Before thinking about it too much, Shikamaru gets a text that makes him feel better. 

_ Ino _

I have a spare ticket for Saturday’s music festival. We should go! 

_ Shikamaru _

Music festival? Doesn’t sound like something I will enjoy. 

_ Ino _

Come on, there will be a lot of stands with games, drinks, and food! 

_ Shikamaru _

Hmm… 

_ Ino _

I promise you’ll have a good time. Besides, you can drive us there. 

_ Shikamaru _

What a hassle.

_ Ino _

So Saturday at 5? :) 

As much as Shikamaru hates to admit it, he liked being invited by Ino. He likes that Ino thought of him. Shikamaru doesn’t have time for dates, girls, anything related to love, but as he grumbles inside his brain, Shikamaru thinks it’s not that bad making time for Ino. And he really wants to be with her like the days before. 

————————

Shikamaru ended up driving not only him and Ino, but Naruto and Sasuke as well to the music festival. He thought it might be awkward to Ino to share a car with her ex crush and his current boyfriend, but Ino was already past that. Naruto promised Shikamaru they would be out of their way as soon as they got there. Shikamaru, a little bit defensive, told him he got nothing to worry about. The car ride was quiet except for Naruto who did most of the talking and Sasuke who was just nodding to everything the blonde was saying. Ino was finding the scene very amusing and sweet, so she couldn’t help to smile a little, looking at them through the glass. Shikamaru turned around to see Ino giggling, and he felt relieved that Ino was not mad to share the car with some friends. 

When the four of them got to the venue, Sasuke and Naruto were already trying to speed up the pace so they wouldn’t interrupt too much Ino and Shikamaru. Although Shikamaru told, over and over, to Naruto that there was nothing to interrupt, Sasuke scold Naruto that there was definitely something going on between Shikamaru and Ino. Naruto didn’t get it, but he did as Sasuke said anyway. 

They were walking awkwardly, and Ino was only focused to find the best stands, 

“We should go to try the food stands! I heard there’s a lot of ice cream flavors.” 

“Yes! Let’s go!” Naruto was the biggest enthusiast and, even if Sasuke roll his eyes at him, Shikamaru and Sasuke ended up following the blonde ones. They spent a long time just walking and trying a few things. Ino ended up trying five different flavors of ice cream and Shikamaru went for the salty food. Naruto and Sasuke stopped at the ramen stand and decided to stop there for a while,

“You should go, Naruto will take his time with this,” Sasuke told Ino and Shikamaru. Ino was so excited for the concert that she didn’t notice anything suspicious about it. Anyway, she didn’t mind be just alone with Shikamaru. They walked together and sit on a piece of grass, waiting for the music to start. Shikamaru wanted something to drink so he bought two large beers, he didn’t expect to see Ino finishing her beer in less than one minute. 

“Wow, do you want another one?” 

“No, I’m okay, maybe later.” The music was playing in the background but it was comfortable enough so they could keep talking. 

“So Naruto and Sasuke are pretty official now, right?” Ino says. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Shikamaru scratches the back of his hair. “They look happy in their own way.” 

“In their own way?”

“Yeah. They don’t seem like a couple in the sense that they’re not holding hands or kissing, but they manage to just be happy being together, just doing mundane stuff.” Shikamaru wanted to explain it better but he couldn’t. 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Ino stays quiet for a while, nervous to ask something and Shikamaru notices it.

“What?”

“I never asked you.. why did you and Temari broke up.” It wasn’t really a question, more a statement. 

“It’s okay. I didn’t want to talk about it anyway when it happened.” Ino never talked to Shikamaru about their love lives. The truth is she didn’t want to know about him and other girls, and talking to him about her dates was too weird. When Shikamaru and Temari broke up, Ino asked him if he was okay and Shikamaru said yes. Ino knew he didn’t want to talk about it, so it was futile to push it. She tried to take him out to dinner with Asuma and Chouji, and with days, she forgot that Temari existed. She was older than them so she wasn’t at school anymore. Ino only saw her once at a tea restaurant with her brothers. That was it. Maybe she was a bad friend to Shikamaru, but in their friendship there were too many things that they didn’t talk about. Boyfriends and girlfriends was one of them. A silent agreement. 

“Can I ask you now why?” Ino was suddenly curious and interested about Shikamaru’s past, dreading the answer. She was feeling closer to Shikamaru’s life and maybe she shouldn’t know about these things, but Ino asked anyway. Shikamaru stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about the answer because it was complicated to explain it. 

“Let’s just say we didn’t want or like the same things.”

“I thought you loved her though. I mean, it looked like that.” Ino was already regretting the inquiry. She sensed it was a kind of sabotaging her happiness. Why did she want to know something that would probably hurt her? But Ino didn’t want to know yet why the answer would hurt. 

“Why are you asking me this now?” Shikamaru was confused and he was thinking that maybe it wasn’t the greatest idea to talk about her ex girlfriend with Ino– a kind of friend you kiss and see naked sometimes. 

“Just… curiosity,” Ino stood up trying to change the conversation. “Come on, let’s find another beer,” and Shikamaru followed her. The line for the beer was too long and they decided to give up. Ino was dragging Shikamaru through the open-air, big venue; more music was playing and Ino liked it. She suddenly saw from afar a smaller line to get something to drink and reached Shikamaru’s hand so he could follow her. The drink burned Ino’s stomach but it felt good. She felt more excited to go to the crowd and listen to the music. 

“Didn’t know you were such a drinker,” Shikamaru teased. Somehow, they were still holding hands and neither of them realized it. It was a small excuse because the place was getting crowded and Ino didn’t want to lose Shikamaru. Ino remembered how nice is spending time like this with Shikamaru and she only stares at him. She sees how Shikamaru takes another sip of his beer and then looks at her confused. 

“What?” Shikamaru moves closer to Ino so he can rest a hand on Ino’s waits. Such a tease. 

“Nothing. I was thinking that you’re sort of good looking.” Ino takes another sip of her beer. 

“Sort of?” 

“Yeah. Don’t get too excited,” Ino moves, too, and with her free hand touches Shikamaru’s arm as she smiles. She can’t see his face because there’s too much dark around and the lights are blinding. A sudden music distracts Ino and she grabs Shikamaru’s hand excited. 

“I like this song!” Ino follows the song so she could hear it better. There are a lot of people around and Shikamaru keeps Ino close to him, touching her soft hand. Ino stops moving so they could blend with the crowd. 

“Are you drunk?” Shikamaru asks close to her ear.

“I’m not drunk with two beers!”

“I know you get drunk faster than me.” Ino doesn’t answer and keeps looking at him. She listens to the song, everyone in the crowd is singing along and moving on their own; some people dancing, others only enjoying the moment, like Ino and Shikamaru. Ino rests her head on Shikamaru’s chest and feels how he touches her with both hands on her back. Maybe it’s the beer that makes Ino feel less nervous. Perhaps it’s the moment, the setting, the song. She hears closely to the song, her favorite part, 

_ You’re the only friend I need _

_ sharing beds like little kids,  _

_ laughing until our ribs get tough,  _

_ but that will never be enough.  _

Ino is not sure if she moved first or if it was Shikamaru or if it was both of them who moved at the same time, but Ino feels Shikamaru’s warm lips on hers. The kiss is so strong and powerful compared to the first ones. The accumulated tension collides in their lips and Ino surrounds Shikamaru’s neck with her arms. And the music keeps going and Shikamaru likes the way Ino feels despite hating the crowd they’re surrounded by. Sometimes he loses her lips, but he keeps searching for her, not wanting to stop, but also wanting to leave that place, and Ino catches his small sighs in her mouth. 

Even if they want to keep kissing there, the hot air turns to be too much and they decide to leave. Shikamaru guiding Ino. When they finally breathe fresh air they keep walking, still holding hands, in a rushed pace. When they reach the exit, Ino kisses him again before he does anything. Shikamaru tries to find his keys through the pockets, but his hands are moving involuntarily to catch some skin of Ino. 

“Hey, I don’t want to leave,” Ino says in between kisses. “I mean, I want to be with you.”

“Do you want to come with me?” Shikamaru looks at her while his forehead touches hers. Ino feels all hot inside, desperate to be alone with him, to feel all of him. 

“At your place?” 

“My parents are not home.”

“And you kept this information from me?” Ino grins and then kisses him again before they leave. The road will be so long and Shikamaru thinks the ways Ino makes him crazy, how unthinkably beautiful she looks tonight, and how much he wants to keep kissing her. Ino looks at Shikamaru as he turns on his car, realizing she is not doubting anything or feeling nervous. She just longs to be with him. Ino doesn’t say how content she is feeling, more than content– a piece of bliss escaping through her soul as Shikamaru drives along. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut is coming next chapter! I’ll update really soon.


	4. my body moves like curtains in and out of wind

When Shikamaru opens the front door of his house, Ino walks in the familiar place holding her friend’s hand. She can count the times she has been in this house, but tonight it feels like a different place Ino doesn’t know. Just a small step into the hall, reaching for the stairs, and Shikamaru holds Ino against the wall kissing her so fervent that Ino feels all her body crumbling into pieces. She doesn’t have much experience but this new sensation, feeling all wet through the fabric of her panties, is so satisfying and scary at the same time. Ino knows she asked Shikamaru to not touch her there, but she reaches for his hand that is cupping her face and leads it down, so he can feel the wetness, the warmness. Because she wants it so much. And Shikamaru answers by making her feel his hardness adding pressure to his tight black jeans. Ino can’t help but to place her hand there, too. 

“Please fuck me.” Ino pleads to Shikamaru’s ear and it caught him a bit off guard but he likes hearing her, demanding what she wants and he only complies. Shikamaru carries Ino in his arms and they both caught each other’s smiles in their mouths as they go to Shikamaru’s room. 

Once in the bedroom, they both find the easiest way to remove their clothes and kissing earnestly the parts of their bodies that are closer. Ino knows now that there is no perfect way or perfect time to lose your virginity –whatever virginity means– but everything comes in it’s own time. And Ino can’t believe that it took her two awkward tries to finally do what she wants with the man she likes. _Likes_ . _Likes_. The word echoes in her brain because she’s looking at Shikamaru moving on top of her and fuck, she thinks how wrenchingly handsome he is without any effort. 

“I want this so bad, Ino.” Shikamaru whispers in between their kisses. 

“I want it, too.” Ino replies as she pulls him closer and on top of her. Shikamaru touches gently her breasts, leaving pecks on them and caressing all he can. Ino only enjoys the feeling because she never enjoyed being touched, and right now, she loves it. _Touch me, touch me, touch me._ And Shikamaru moves to be next to her, both facing each other and he looks at her asking for permission but Ino does it first. She touches his dick, stroking him gently at first, and Shikamaru uses his two fingers to feel her down there– all the wetness. Ino doesn’t think it too much and closes her eyes, enjoying his fingers, moving in places she didn’t know they could feel this way. 

Ino likes feeling Shikamaru’s fingers making small circles on her clit, feeling all desperate and tingly. She pushes her face into Shikamaru’s neck, her nose brushing against the warm skin there, as she keeps stroking his dick, slow and then faster. Their kiss gets messier, but it’s more moaning into their mouths, feeling each other’s tongues, and Ino suddenly feels desperate to just feel Shikamaru inside her. She moves to make him notice that she can’t wait any longer. 

Being careful, Shikamaru stands up at the edge of the bed, holding Ino’s legs and he slowly aligns on top of her, Ino guiding him like the first times. It’s dark but they can perfectly see their gazes with the soft light that comes from outside the window. Ino looks up at him and watches how Shikamaru slowly lowers himself down on her. Ino closes her eyes, her hands go to Shikamaru’s arm and then his back on instinct. 

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Ino says. 

And it’s calm, it’s quiet, it’s comforting, all different from what Ino once imagined. It feels so good, so much better than his hand. There’s the pressure again but Ino breathes in and this time, it’s not painful. His dick slides down, as Shikamaru gently moves, and Ino feels all of him going inside her. Finally. Ino feels so tight and warm and wet, so good, so rousing. They both moan, Ino louder than him, not used to this new sensation, and Shikamaru still rolls his hips.

“Is it good?” And Ino is too busy moaning to answer but she mumbles a “yeah”. She isn’t saying much but her loud gasps say everything and Shikamaru can’t control how breathtaking is the noise. Shikamaru kisses her messily, as slow as he fucks her. It’s good because Ino doesn’t think she’ll last if Shikamaru moves faster. And Shikamaru goes faster, always looking at her and being careful. He wants to keep going and never end but he feels the burning down his belly and he suddenly stops, afraid to finish fast. Shikamaru breathes, but can’t control it. Their hands tighten as their fingers intertwine and Shikamaru can’t move any more because it’s beyond his control and he suddenly cums. 

“Wait, stay inside,” Shikamaru rests his body on Ino’s as she holds him, caressing his hair. Ino can’t feel her legs, but it must be good. It’s perfect and she loved every minute of it and it was just too much, too hard to explain how much she enjoyed it and how she wants it endless times. She can’t keep her hands off Shikamaru even if they’re both panting, tired, feeling all hot and sweaty. It was messier than Ino thought it would be. The bed and the sheets are a mess, it feels so wet and sticky. Sex is messy. Ino knows she already loves it, and she wants it again with him. The way their bodies feel pressed together, the way he kissed her. It’s too much. 

Shikamaru looks for a white shirt to lend to Ino and when she puts his shirt on, as Shikamaru changes the sheets, she recognizes the smell –it smells like him– and Ino likes it. They both feel exhausted and when she finishes cleaning herself in the bathroom, Shikamaru pulls her close to him with his arm. They lay together and in an instant they fall asleep, not thinking about tomorrow. Ino felt proud of herself for telling her parents she would probably be late so it was better that she slept at Shikamaru’s. He was a longtime friend and it wasn’t weird at all for her parents. Thank God. 

———————

Nothing much changed with Ino the next day. She didn’t feel different than before, despite that she already had sex. Ino always thought that something changes within you when you’re not a virgin anymore, but if anything, Ino only desired it even more than before. Ino and Shikamaru woke up the next day almost at the same time, when little sunbeams were coming through the curtains. They felt like they had barely slept through the night, but nothing was weird or awkward from waking up together, half naked. 

“I should probably get going before your parents come home.”

“There would be nothing weird if they saw you here.”

“Really? Even if they see me naked in your bed?” Shikamaru smirks as he tries to get up, feeling all tired and sore. Ino uses the bathroom and sees her reflection on the mirror. She definitely doesn’t see anything new or different, but the bliss and satisfaction she felt yesterday is still there, somehow. Ino smiles to herself, because she thought that having her first time would be something meaningless, that she could move on so fast and be ready for the future experiences; and now, right in this moment, Ino doesn’t want that anymore. She feels comfortable right there. Maybe something did change. 

——————

“Are you okay?” Shikamaru checks on Ino as he pours some coffee for both. 

“I’m okay,” Ino answers smiling, “and you?” 

“Me? I’m good.” Shikamaru doesn’t really know what was happening after. Ino told him she wanted to have her first time with him, but they didn’t talk about what was happening after that. Now that they had sex, would they go back to be just friends? Would they act like nothing happened? Would Ino move on and would Shikamaru move on? Not that he cares too much, of course. He’s only thinking that being with Ino wasn’t bad, not bad at all, and surprisingly, he wants it again. 

Ino looks around her, studying the objects that surround them in this silence. She knows they just had sex last night, but looking at Shikamaru like this, doing nothing in specific, Ino feels again what she felt last night at the festival. She feels bold, not scared, not recognizing herself. Ino stands up and walks closer to Shikamaru. Her chin resting on his shoulder, waiting for something. Her hands starting to touch the trace of his abdomen through the fabric of his shirt. And Shikamaru feels it. He feels it, too. Shikamaru turns to face her, Ino’s arms around his low back. He reaches with his fingers her face, Ino only stares at him, asking him with her ocean eyes. _Be with me. Tore me apart right here. I want you._

They don’t have time to go back upstairs, actually they don’t even think about it. Because they’re kissing without any restraints on the kitchen, both pulling their clothes but not actually removing them. Ino likes feeling his warm skin and whenever Shikamaru touches her bare skin, she feels shivers through all her body. The kiss gets stronger, both using their tongues and liking how they taste. Ino can’t take it anymore and she removes his shirt first and she smiles through the kiss, almost laughing, because Ino never thought she would be having sex with Shikamaru in this kitchen. 

At first, Shikamaru carries her by the waist and places her on top of the kitchen counter and Ino pulls him close, addicted to his kiss. And it’s so hot, so messy, that Ino would love being fucked there, but Shikamaru carries her again and they’re suddenly laying or sitting on the nearest couch– the same couch where she sat so many times since she was a little girl. Ino feels her heart is racing so fast and she stares at Shikamaru to catch some air, a glimpse of strength. Then, Ino gets up a little bit, removing her underwear –all stained in a whitish color from last night– and, without any preamble, she sits on top of Shikamaru. She goes slowly, and when they both gasp, she lets go– he’s inside of her. And there’s nothing left to do for them but just move. Full of moans, enjoying, feeling incredibly powerless, catching their breaths into their mouths. 

Ino places her hands upon his shoulders so she can balance her rhythm. Shikamaru is so entranced by all the little movements in between; the way she smiles, moves, tastes. Ino smiles slightly through the kiss again, her tongue slipping inside Shikamaru’s mouth as he grunts softly because this is too much. He burns inside her just right and with each roll, Ino sinks herself deeper until it’s too much. Shikamaru grips Ino’s hips tight and contemplates how he likes looking at her thighs around him. Ino pants so much and the moans are getting louder, and that’s when Shikamaru cums, holding her close. Their movements stopping. Just them trying to catch their breaths again. It passes a minute, maybe more than two. 

“Can’t believe we just fucked in the couch where my parents sit.” 

“And your visitors. Maybe my parents, too. Even us.” They look both horrified and amused. It’s hard to untangle each other from their position, they almost fell, and it was probably so sloppy and dirty. Ino feels even guilty that she helps Shikamaru clean. She can’t wait to go home and shower and change clothes. Ino would rather walk naked than using those dirty panties again. 

Before she leaves, Ino turns to see Shikamaru, she doesn’t notice any regret in his gaze, 

“Was it too weird?” 

“Not really,” Shikamaru slightly smiles, the way he always does. It is too precious for Ino, that smile. Ino reaches his face and kisses the corner of his mouth, the same way she did after telling him about the last guy she dated. 

“I don’t want it to be a one time thing,” Ino dares to say and Shikamaru answers by kissing her cheek. After all, it was him who asked Kakashi an excuse to spend more time with Ino. 

——————————— 

Days after, Shikamaru realizes that he didn’t need after all an excuse to spend time alone with Ino. They always have been used to be around with each other, that happens when both families are close, and also when you know that person since you were just little kids. And even if Ino and Shikamaru are not always alone together, they enjoy the company, maybe even more now than before. 

Ino finds her desire even more unbearable every day. She wonders if there’s something wrong with her because no matter what Ino does, she ends up thinking –and wanting– to have sex. She blames the hormones, sometimes. It’s been four or five days since the last time Ino had sex with Shikamaru, and the memories are always present in Ino’s mind, even at night when she tries to sleep. Ino tries to balance the time to study for her papers and exams, even though all she really wants is to spend time with Shikamaru. Talking at school or texting with Shikamaru isn’t quite the same for her, however Ino enjoys it, and she can’t help reminiscing the touch of his hands on her skin. Ino feels a shiver as she quietly falls asleep. 

Regardless that it is a dream or just an imagination, Ino thinks of Shikamaru slowly touching her on the bed. She is laying defenseless and enjoying his touch. He bends to kiss her and bites her lower lip, savoring her taste. His hands slowly touching her thighs. Ino feels overwhelmed by a violent and confused desire; an arousal that feels like a pleasant tension on her body; her genitals swelling up; and then, that tension spreading all along. Ino moans as Shikamaru touches gently her vagina, feeling her wetness. Ino lays on the bed, closing her eyes, losing herself as he thrusts her with two fingers, then circling her clit over and over. After some loud moans she can’t contain –because, holy fuck, the way he looks so aroused just watching Ino climaxing makes her even crazier– she feels a crushing jolt on her lower belly. Ino violently wakes up; confused, ashamed, hoping she wasn’t as loud as she was on her dream. 

———————

The next day, Ino walks to her to the classroom, feeling naked and exposed because of her strange erotic dream; even though nobody really knows about it. When Shikamaru comes in three minutes after her, without planning it, he sits down next to her. It makes Ino feel so nervous. Shikamaru turns to see her and Ino pretends she doesn’t notice it. Just right there, in the middle of Iruka’s lesson, Ino places a hand on his thigh, making him slightly jolt. Shikamaru feels all hot inside even if it's just a hand, but he knows Ino is taunting him on purpose. He gulps, mumbling what a drag is this, and Ino smiles all proud of herself. She keeps her hand there and slowly keeps moving it, nearly reaching his crotch, and Shikamaru panics because anyone could see them, but he only gulps again. She keeps stroking softly through the fabric of his pants, and Ino suddenly feels Shikamaru’s erection. Ino moves even closer to him so it won’t be so obvious what she’s doing, even though no one is paying attention to them and Iruka is distracted writing on the board. 

“Ino…” Shikamaru mumbles. He is asking for mercy, but it feels so damn good. Shikamaru wishes he could just kiss her right there. He wishes Ino could give him the best handjob right in this moment. But he shakes his head, softly removing Ino’s hand before this goes out of control. Shikamaru caress Ino’s hand, a tender gesture that makes forget both how really horny they are. It’s like affection and desire mingled. Shikamaru decides he won’t study today. Fuck no. He needs, he really wants to be with Ino. 

———————

They were supposed to plan their lesson schedule for the tutorings, but Ino’s parents weren’t at home and Shikamaru had to take advantage of it. He felt so frustrated since Ino was teasing him earlier that day, and Ino just welcomed every inch of Shikamaru’s eagerness to kiss and be with her. Ino feels like in her dream, but it’s so much better because Shikamaru is with her for real. 

“What do you want to do?” Shikamaru asks Ino as he cups her face laying on the bed. They couldn’t wait very long so the minute Ino noticed her parents weren’t at home, she kissed with fervor Shikamaru. Ino feels so frustrated at the question because how can she begin to say what she wants to do. Her clear blue eyes just staring at him as she places her hands under Shikamaru’s shirt.

“Everything, and all at once.” Because that’s the only answer that makes sense. She wants do everything, everything, with him; vulnerable and so excited. 

Shikamaru doesn’t wait any longer and starts to undress both of them, Ino helping to remove what’s left of her top. Shikamaru sucks her lips, feeling her tongue. If he could only explain how impatient Ino makes him. Not just her, but the way she looks at him, wanting everything. 

“You know,” Shikamaru says while still kissing Ino, “I like the way you feel, Ino.” 

“Yeah?” Ino kisses him back with more eager. “I like it, too.” 

Shikamaru stands at the edge of Ino’s bed and, when they’re both naked, he pulls her close to him. He spreads her legs and gently thrusts her, holding Ino’s legs. Ino feels so amazing she might die. She wants more and more, and she asks for it. 

“M-more.” Ino closes her eyes, enjoying every inch of Shikamaru’s dick inside her, the way he thrusts her with the perfect rhythm. Shikamaru lowers to align on top of Ino. He kisses her, drinking her moans straight from her lips. 

“Shikamaru, f-fuck.” Ino whispers as Shikamaru fucks her again and she moans against his mouth, 

“Please, f-faster.” And Shikamaru goes, he goes faster. Ino takes everything from him, relishing in the sound he makes. Ino never dreamt that she would listen Shikamaru moan and gasp. The sex is fucking mind blowing. Shikamaru can’t quite process how much he loves when Ino gets loud, and feeling her so tight and warm, he finally cums. Shikamaru rests his head next to Ino’s and he can’t stop thinking how lovely and beautiful Ino looks even now, all red, all tired. He feels a sudden tenderness surrounding him and Shikamaru just feels happy; feels like he is where he is supposed to be. He takes everything from Ino because that’s all Ino is and she wants that. Shikamaru remembers how afraid he was to look at her, to read her stare, scared of what he may see. But he looks at her now and he’s not afraid anymore. 

They stay that way for quite some time, but then Shikamaru sits and holds Ino’s hand. She slowly moves on top of him, her arms around his back while Shikamaru grabs her thighs, and then, moving his hands to hold her waist. Shikamaru smiles through the kiss, and they both smile. 

“I like when you’re whining my name,” Ino says. 

“What are you talking about, you’re the loudest.” And she still kisses him, grinning. Again and again. Tired, all wet, sweaty, but they stay like this. 

“We should do this again,” Shikamaru says as he caresses her hair. 

“Maybe tomorrow night, at the end,” Ino says joking and then kind of not joking. 

Tomorrow they are hanging out with their friends because it’s Hinata’s play at school, and then they are all going to have dinner, probably to the same place they always go when the group gets together. Kiba made Shikamaru promise he would go because Kiba was so anxious for Hinata’s night, he wants everything perfect for his girlfriend. It’s not Broadway, Kiba, Shikamaru told him, but anyways it was an excuse so the group could hang out. Sakura, Tenten, and Shino were obvious because they are Hinata’s closest friends, Lee was also going, and then Tenten would bring Neji, and Naruto doesn’t go anywhere without Sasuke, and Chouji of course wasn’t missing it. 

Shikamaru and Ino remember that they should dress soon before it gets too late. There’s homework to be done even if it’s hard to concentrate. 

————————

Ino falls on her bed more tired than ever, wishing she could sleep more than ten hours. Her cell phone rings and distracts her from thinking about Shikamaru’s lips. 

_Sakura_

Earth to Ino: we’re still hanging tomorrow or are you and Shikamaru ditching us to have sex?

_Ino_

Lol. We’re obviously going. I mean, not as a couple. Don't make it obvious please. Maybe he has figured it out but I haven’t told him that you know. 

_Sakura_

Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning to make an announcement. Are you sure you’re okay with this kinda friends with benefits thing?

_Ino_

Can you let me enjoy please without worrying too much for me?

Sakura, I like kissing him.

Maybe more than I would like to admit to myself.

I really want to fuck him 

But it’s not only that, you know?

_Sakura_

:O 

HOLY SHIT, INO 

I’m officially worried for you… I did see this coming. It was one of the eventual comeouts. 

_Ino_

Shut up. I’m totally ranting here…. never mind. 

_Sakura_

:) 

Ino regrets everything she wrote to Sakura. She loved Sakura, but admitting those things to Sakura –Sakura, the friend that always tries to protect her, that always has something to say to Ino about her decisions– was like stripping herself and tearing every piece of her skin. This thought depresses Ino. She slowly falls to the dark place– the cruel anxiety that doesn’t leave her alone. Ino wishes she could be a better person, a person that loves herself, that can understand her mind, her body, but she can’t. How easy it would be that nothing was so difficult about herself. Before she can think of her worst memory, the one that haunts her everyday, she falls asleep, hoping the memory won’t follow on her dreams. 

————————

Shikamaru had almost forgotten how pleasant it was to just be with his friends. He won’t admit this out loud, though. The past days have been a roller coaster to him, not in a bad way, because Ino was definitely the highlight of his last two weeks. However, anxiety doesn’t let you play fair. The pressure and the eventual disappointment to his family, to his father, are always there, hiding right now in Shikamaru’s mind. He is sitting outside the little theatre with Kiba, Chouji, Naruto, Sasuke, Lee, and Shino, waiting for the rest. He’s not supposed to feel nervous, but knowing that Ino is coming any minute makes something to his body. This would be the first time they’re hanging with everyone, pretending they’re just the usual friends. 

“Oi, Shikamaru, why are you so stressed about?” Naruto asks, distracting him. 

“I’m not stressed. I’m worried we’re going to be late for the play,” Shikamaru lies. 

“Neji texted they’re already on their way,” Lee answers.

“Calm down, the play starts in twenty minutes,” Sasuke intervenes. Shikamaru finds Kiba too relaxed about this, considering he was acting like a freak for the past week about this major event. 

“Kiba, I’m proud of you. You are not even stressed or worried that we might be late.” Everyone glares at Naruto after saying that. 

“Fuck! You’re right, Naruto! Where the fuck are they?” Kiba starts to be his loud annoying self. “Shikamaru, call Ino.” 

“What!? Why me!?” Shikamaru probably sounded way too shocked and offended but paranoia was haunting him. 

“Kiba, calm down. I can see them walking over here,” Shino finally calms Kiba. Shikamaru just turns around slowly, hoping he doesn’t look like an idiot. _Don’t be an idiot, Shikamaru. Control yourself._

“Took you long enough,” Kiba scolds Neji and the latter rolls his eyes. 

“Give him a break, Kiba. Neji and Tenten were kind enough to give Ino and me a ride here,” Sakura quickly intervenes. Kiba finally calms down but starts walking faster. Shikamaru can’t even understand what’s going on because he’s way too busy pretending he doesn’t feel completely lost looking at Ino. 

Ino walked behind Sakura and the holding-hands-couple. She looked nervous, too, as she was afraid of something, but happy as well. Ino smiles slightly to Shikamaru when she sees him next to Chouji and she’s sure that Shikamaru gulped and looked away fast, hiding all the red on his cheeks. Fortunately enough for Shikamaru, nobody noticed him, only Ino. Everyone was too focused on following Kiba to the theatre. It was too cute how preoccupied Kiba was acting towards Hinata’s big day, Ino thinks. She feels something strange and unrecognizable– maybe wanting to experience that. Because how beautiful it would be that someone loves you; to be loved. Ino have wanted that for as long as she can remember. 

It wasn’t hard for Shikamaru to sit next to Ino before they had sex, but now that Ino –unintended or not– sits next to him, he feels so tense, fearing he might start sweating. 

“Are you okay, Shikamaru?” Chouji asks him from the other side next to him. 

“Awesome.” 

“Everyone shut up, the play is about to start,” Kiba turns around to scold his friends from the row in front.

Kiba was next to Shino, Kurenai, Hinata’s favorite teacher, and Asuma. Shikamaru didn’t think there was something weird seeing his favorite teacher, Asuma, next to Kurenai. Behind them, Tenten, Neji, Lee, Chouji, Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke. Ino didn’t sat next to Shikamaru on purpose, Sakura didn’t even grin at her, she just walked behind him like always. Ino realizes she has always, in a way, followed Shikamaru. 

The play doesn’t last long, but when it’s over, Shikamaru feels like it has been ten hours next to Ino, faintly grazing her arm. So much tension surrounding the two. 

—————————

At the restaurant, everyone is having the best time, complimenting a happy Hinata holding the bouquet of roses that Kiba bought her. 

“Seriously, Kiba, this is a school play,” Naruto dared to say when they were waiting for Hinata outside the venue, and Kiba almost killed him with his stare. 

This time, Shikamaru made sure he was not next to Ino at the restaurant table. He pretended he was going to the bathroom to avoid the moment when everyone had to sit on the long table of the pizza place. It was so stupid, worrying about that, but Shikamaru felt exposed without reason, he felt so awkward and nervous. He was always a rational boy, and in another occasion he would tell himself that it’s only obvious if you make it obvious, you have to act naturally, like always. There’s nothing rational about this. Ino can’t help feel a little bit disappointed, of course she knew that Shikamaru was avoiding her and that made her angry. She sat next to Shino and Lee, at the other side from Sakura and Shikamaru, because she would rather not see Sakura’s worried gaze and Shikamaru acting like a stupid. Shikamaru was in the middle of Kiba and Chouji, sometimes looking for Ino’s eyes. 

“Ino, are you eating that? Because if you’re not I’ll have it,” Chouji asks her almost yelling. 

“Chouji, let her eat!” Tenten screams at him. 

“No, it’s okay. You can have it, Chouji.” Ino hands her last piece of pizza to Chouji smiling, avoiding Shikamaru’s look. _That’s what you get for hiding from me, idiot._

And Shikamaru knows he messed up. He waits for everyone to be over with their plates, so he can move next to Ino. Shikamaru takes his chance when Shino goes outside with Neji, Sasuke, Kiba, and Hinata. Naruto is too busy talking with Sakura and Ino is pretending to hear Lee. Shikamaru sits next to Ino and waits for Lee to finish talking.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts.

“What? You’re talking to me now?” They talk to each other, normally, like the others are doing. 

“I’m sorry,” Shikamaru scratches the back of his hair, “I was an idiot. I was just nervous.” Ino understands. She can’t help feel tenderness for his stupidity. She slightly giggles. 

“Hey, can I tell you a secret?” Ino asks him. Shikamaru nods. She moves closer to his ear,

“I want to sit on you so bad.” Shikamaru feels like dying right there. That look makes him impatient. Ino drives him crazy. He slightly gulps and tries to act normal. Ino loves teasing him and Shikamaru happily complies even if it’s not right there. Shino comes back to the table but he instantly sits on Shikamaru’s old spot without complaining. The waitress hands them the bill and, involuntarily, Shikamaru pays for Ino’s share. Ino is confused and tries to argue with him, but Shikamaru acts so cool. It’s not the first time he pays for her, but that was when she asked him. 

“Aww, Shikamaru, you’re so sweet,” Ino teases him loudly. Shikamaru looks annoyed as always. But then, when he thinks no one is watching, Shikamaru stares fondly at Ino. 

“You know you don’t have to do that,” Ino says.

“I don’t mind.” It was something so trivial but Ino feels that affection, the little hope that she can be happy, that maybe her anxiety, depression, and trauma don’t have to follow her every time. And Ino, not knowing really what to do, she just pokes his nose, smiling to him; her cheeks red, the brightest smile. And everyone could see it though no one dared to say anything. 

Ino went to the bathroom alone, while everyone was waiting outside and losing time just talking. When she’s about to go outside, a sudden touch stops her on the hall of the restrooms. And Shikamaru crowds her against the wall kissing her. It feels exhausting, like after being underwater for a long time, and Shikamaru should be scared of this, he should be scared of how much it comforts him. Ino keeps kissing him, just for the sake of kissing. Shikamaru’s grin is unapologetic when he pulls back; Ino feeling all enamored and confused. 

After that, Ino sends a text message to her mom asking if it’s okay she stays at Shikamaru’s, lying that everyone was going there and she would probably be late. It’s better to stay at Shikamaru’s than coming back home late, she lies, so of course her mother agrees. The perfect little lie so she can be with Shikamaru. 

Even though Shikamaru is not alone like the music festival night, it’s not new for Shikamaru’s parents that Ino stays the night. They don’t know that the reason is because Ino and Shikamaru want to be together so bad even if it was just yesterday they had sex. 

Yoshino, Shikamaru’s mother, makes a little bed at the floor on Shikamaru’s room. She always made the extra bed for her, although it was Shikamaru who actually slept there while Ino stayed on his bed. Shikamaru lends the same white shirt to Ino from the other night and they continue to pretend in front of Yoshino that they are still the same friends as always. Joking, Shikamaru turns off the light and lays on the floor bed pretending he’s going to sleep, Ino stays on Shikamaru’s bed, covering with the sheets and waiting for the time he will come to her. When there’s no more sound coming from outside the bedroom, Shikamaru opens his eyes and now Ino is pretending to be asleep. He stands up and goes near her. 

“Are you asleep?” 

“Mhm,” Ino whispers, still with her eyes closed. Shikamaru takes the sheets and lays next to her, facing the other side so Ino can’t look at him. Ino smiles and reaches his foot with hers, their feet are cold. 

“You’re cold,” Shikamaru grunts. And Ino keeps touching his feet, laughing quietly –a waiting game. She moves closer to him and Shikamaru turns around, wanting to find her lips in the dark, and then finally, finally, there’s her mouth, open and soft. 

They collide with each other, touching mercilessly their faces, kissing with any fear. Somehow it is more exciting knowing they need to be quiet, and Ino wonders if she can do that. They keep rubbing their bodies with each other touching the naked skin of the other. Ino feeling Shikamaru’s hard dick against her waist. Her genitals swelling up again, like in her dream, a desperate and violent sensation and she wants to be touched so bad. Ino feels like an animal, wanting it so bad, wanting Shikamaru all for herself. She is sure she doesn’t want to be touched by nobody else than him. Only him. Ino moves on top of him and sinks down his dick, hoping that she could feel any relief on her throbbing genitals. She tries with all her being to be quiet but, fuck. She loses herself, moving, moaning without making any noise. Shikamaru can’t understand why he can’t keep his hands off her. He feels his dick pulsing because Ino feels perfect and he loves it. 

“What?,” Ino asks in between heavy breathings and smiles, because he’s looking at her like there’s nothing more perfect than her in this world, and Shikamaru just can’t give her a coherent answer. 

Ino rolls her hips widely and Shikamaru tries to thrust up, making Ino crazier. She’s surprised that her legs don’t give up, sometimes Ino slows down and then starts again. They don’t stop until both are shaking, squirming because they feel so much. Shikamaru aligns himself with Ino, their faces an inch away from each other. And he warns Ino he’s close but she doesn’t seem out off by that at all, instead Ino asks for more. She feels too sensitive, the slightest touch making her shiver. Shikamaru thrusts up again on the right spot and Ino feels the crushing and violent jolt on her lower belly. She rests her head on Shikamaru’s. He still holds her tight, wrapping his arms around her waist. She fits so perfect on him. Shikamaru thinks he wants to be like this forever with her. They fit so perfect. And they just stay there, in silence. 

Again, Ino feels so confused, enamored, and she doesn’t understand why Shikamaru wants her so bad and wonders if he really cares like she does. Ino lied. She lied so badly. She can’t move on after this, she can’t see Shikamaru, after this, with someone else. Ino feels scared, so scared she might lose him. 

——————

Days after, Ino finds herself again talking with Karin at the library, just the two of them. It was so unconscious, but Ino saw Karin sitting there and she followed her, wanting to talk to someone that doesn’t exactly know about her and Shikamaru. Ino can’t open herself again to Sakura. Karin doesn’t say anything when Ino sits in front of her, then she stares at Ino and studies her gaze. 

“So, how it went with your mysterious boy?” Karin finally asks. Ino feels relieved she asked. 

“I did it. I mean, we finally did it a couple of weeks ago.” 

“I’m glad,” Karin faintly smiles. Ino still looks undecided though. “But?” Karin asks again. 

“Is it bad that I feel kinda smitten over him?” Karin stays silent for a while.

“What do you mean bad?” 

“It’s unexpected, right? I just wanted to have sex, but then…” 

“I guess. You never liked him before?”

“I don’t know. I always thought of him as a friend, a close one. Then I was, like, yeah, I guess he’s sort of hot and attractive, but then I don’t know, I thought we could move on after having sex. But these feelings. I think now I’m completely swept away–“ Ino stops talking after realizing what she said. “I mean, wait, what!? Never mind, I’m totally being embarrassing here. Aaah!” 

“Relax, Ino,” Karin soothes her. She looks calm and that makes Ino calm down. “Have you told him?” 

“No…” Ino answers, suddenly looking sad. Karin always pictured Ino so confident about herself and taking control of these things. She remembers that Ino was so straightforward with Sasuke and other guys from school, but apparently this time was different. It must be really serious. 

“Maybe you should tell him?” 

“I don’t know… I mean, this guy might blow me off. I don’t want to be hurt.” Ino’s answer makes Karin think about herself. 

“You know, maybe this guy likes you back.” 

“Maybe I should tell him. But it’s hard. I mean, why would he want to be with someone like me?” 

“What do you mean, Ino?” Karin is so surprised to see this side of Ino. It was so unexpected, she really didn’t know Ino was insecure. Karin didn’t know when Ino lost that security, but again, she was never really that close to her. Ino shakes her head.

“Don’t mind me. I have to go home. Thanks, Karin.” And Ino leaves before saying too much again, leaving Karin pensive. Maybe Karin needs to talk to Sakura or do something to help Ino. 

———————

Shikamaru is trying to make sense of these college applications but he feels so tired and annoyed about it. His father is expecting too much of him and Shikamaru doesn’t know what to do about it. He tries to focus instead on other things and no matter what he does, his mind always ends up thinking about Ino. As much as Shikamaru wants to figure out his new feelings, he feels scared. Making things worse or not, he suddenly sees the figure of Temari, his ex girlfriend, coming closer to him at the coffee shop near school. 

“Hey, Shikamaru.” It caughts him a little bit off guard but he stays calm while she sits at the chair in front of him.

“Hi. What are you doing here?” He asks.

“Just passing by, I saw you sitting here and I thought to say hi.” Shikamaru feels a little bit awkward but Temari and him didn’t end up hating each other. He still wished the best for her. 

“Actually, I have something to tell you. I’ve been accepted to finish my major on another university and I’m leaving next week. It’s very far away from here, but I’m very happy.” 

“That’s great, Temari,” Shikamaru answers slightly smiling. He guesses they always wanted different things. Their path was never meant to be. 

“What about you? What have you been up to?” Temari’s sudden interest on Shikamaru’s affairs was odd and Shikamaru doesn’t have the strength to talk about the future right now. 

“Nothing much,” he answers scratching the back of his hair, “everything is annoying, you know me.” 

“I guess,” Temari says. Without making it too long, she says goodbye and Shikamaru wishes the best for her. He watches her leave and the scene makes him think when they broke up. Shikamaru reminisces when Temari was upset because she thought Ino followed him too much. She’s just my friend, he always answered. How could Shikamaru know that everything would change? 

He gets up after some minutes and he walks towards the exit. When Shikamaru is about to go back to school, someone calls him from behind. He doesn’t recognize the voice at first, 

“Hey you, stupid.” 

Shikamaru is taken aback by this. He turns around and sees the last person he would ever imagine calling him stupid. What did he do? He glares at the red-haired girl leaned against the wall of the coffee shop. It’s Karin. She has her arms crossed. Shikamaru had never exchanged more than a hello with her. He knows she’s friends with Sasuke and Suigetsu, and sometimes she hangs with Ino and Sakura, but Karin is too hostile for Shikamaru. Actually, she scares him a bit. 

“Sorry?” Shikamaru utters confused. He’s sure she is talking to him but he has no clue what Karin wants with him. The red-haired walks towards him. 

“Look, I really don’t know you, but I hope you’re not playing with Ino.” It comes like a threat and Shikamaru feels even more perplexed. 

“Excuse me?”

“Cut the crap. I know you’re the guy she’s seeing, not that she told me, but I know. I’m good at sensing stuff, you know?” 

_What the hell!?_

“Listen, I don’t know what you’re two doing but Ino is having a hard time. I hope you’re not playing with her. I saw you talking to your ex girlfriend and I’m pretty sure Ino saw you too because I just saw her walking infuriated.” 

“What!? That's not what–“ Shikamaru tries but it’s pointless. 

“I hope you don’t hurt her. Actually, don’t you dare hurting her. She really likes you, you know? If you’re playing, cut it.” 

_Holy shit, she is really scary_

Shikamaru feels the words like a hard slap on his face and he doesn’t know what to do. He guesses Karin means well, but he feels quite annoyed. 

“Listen, Karin, as you said, you don’t know me. I don’t know what you sensed or what Ino told you, but I’m pretty sure Ino doesn’t like me. She wants to see other people at college, she told me that. I don’t think I’m the one playing here.” 

Karin scoffs violently. 

“Wow, you really believe that? I guess you are really stupid, then. If you can’t see that Ino really likes you, you’re an idiot.” Not bothering to continue, Karin leaves, and Shikamaru is frustrated, confused, annoyed, angry. He grumbles. And what did Karin mean that Ino is having a hard time? 

_What a drag._


	5. I’ll tell you now, like I should’ve told you then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: past harassment and abuse implied.  
> Thank your for reading, I’ll post the final chapter on these days!

When Ino went outside school, she was determined to find Shikamaru and talk to him. She really didn’t know what she was going to say, but things had clearly change for her since the first time Ino asked him to have sex with her. Ino now knew that she didn’t want to lose what they have now, nor she wants it to end. Even if her insecurities are enveloping her in a cloud of doubt, Ino goes to find Shikamaru at the same coffee shop where they all use to go to hang out or study. But the first thing Ino spots is a blonde girl sitting in front of Shikamaru, talking to him. Ino recognizes Temari. They seem calmly talking, and Ino deep down realizes that there’s nothing wrong of it, but it’s a sight Ino doesn’t make feel good. She feels the anger arising from her stomach to her face and her heart dropping to the floor. _Of course, Shikamaru will always love her. Not me._

Ino leaves, uncomfortable from spying on them. She doesn’t want to see nor she needs to see it. There was a reason why Ino never mingled on Shikamaru’s relationships and this was it. It’s easier pretending you don’t know, than actually understanding it, at least that’s what she thought. And it feels like she has been walking for hours, going around in circles at the same place, a small park near her house. She doesn’t want to go back home, but Ino doesn’t really know either where she’s supposed to go. She was so immersed in her thoughts that a figure behind her scares Ino and startled her violently. 

“Hey.” Ino sees Shikamaru. He looks tired and annoyed and Ino doesn’t have the patience today to deal with that. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Actually, I have been looking for you everywhere.” But Ino still senses some anger in Shikamaru’s tone of voice and it just can’t be a good sign. She keeps silent until he says something. 

“I had quite a talk to Karin a while ago. I didn’t know I was hurting you.” 

“What!?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were having a hard time, Ino? Is it because of me?” And Ino say just doesn’t know what to say and she feels so angry for some reason. 

“I don't know what you’re talking about! And I don’t know what Karin told you!” Ino raises her voice and Shikamaru sighs. 

“That again!” Ino speaks louder, “You’re always sighing!” 

“Because you’re always yelling! That’s why!” Shikamaru shouts angry. “You make me crazy!”

“Whatever, go back to Temari if I make you so crazy.” Ino can feel her heart jumping violently as she keeps talking. So jealous she can’t help it. 

“Why are you so angry about it? You were the one who told me that you were going to meet more guys at college and that we will move on!” And Ino explodes blinking back the tears.

“YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, SHIKAMARU. YOU NEVER HAD. YOU SAY YOU KNOW ME BUT YOU DON'T.” 

“Fine,” Shikamaru answers after remaining silent for a while. Shikamaru knew that this could happen if he got involved with his friend– and this was one of the reasons he didn’t want to do it. But now it’s too late to complain about it, because it already happened. He just leaves. Shikamaru thinks that if he goes back to hide, hiding on his cave, then all these problems won’t follow him anymore. It’s hard to let yourself be vulnerable. There’s too much pressure, he doesn’t want that. He never asked for any of this to happen. Shikamaru goes back home, throwing himself to the bed, wanting to forget. 

———————

Ino promised she wouldn’t cry but as soon as she doesn’t see Shikamaru anymore in sight, she sits on the nearest bench and starts sobbing. Ino starts to think, understand, when was the moment she couldn’t ignore her feelings for Shikamaru. She knew it was her fault for lying, for saying things she didn’t mean. She thought she wanted to have a new life at college, and maybe pretending that meeting new guys will make everything better, but it’s not. Ino never wanted that. She only wanted to forget all the pain she’s been put through for many years; the harassment, the abuse, feeling like an object, worse than a piece of meat. 

One time, Shizune told them in a class that no partner will ever complete you, because you should be whole on your own, and no man should make you feel that you’re or not worth. But how much Ino wanted to be loved, that’s all she really wanted– wants. Is it too hard to be loved, feel loved? Ino hopelessly wanted to regain the control she lost on her body, she wanted to feel empowered by making her own choices and Ino ended up feeling too involved with Shikamaru. Ino ended up hurting more because she wants to be with him, but in her mind she will never be good enough. Sometimes, your own mind can play the darkest tricks on you.

Ino tries to calm down so she can walk, so she can go to the only place Ino needs right now. Ino hopes with all her heart Sakura is home, and when Sakura opens the door, Ino starts sobbing again, broken, leaning on her friend’s shoulder as Sakura contains her. Ino stays there crying for long minutes, and Sakura doesn’t say anything, she just hugs Ino. 

“It’s okay, Ino. It’s okay.” 

Ino loses track of time and space, but when she could breathe again, a little bit, she found herself sitting on the small steps in front of Sakura's house. Sakura was trying to soothe Ino, caressing her back, giving Ino the time to start talking. 

“I messed up,” Ino was able to say, her words coming from her throat with little sobs in it. “I did everything wrong. I feel lost.” 

“Do you want to talk about that happened?” 

“It was so stupid, so stupid.” Small tears were still coming down from Ino’s eyes. “I fought with Shikamaru for nothing. I was jealous because I saw him talking with Temari. He told me I never talk to him. He’s probably right, I couldn’t even tell him how I really feel for him.” 

“Maybe you can talk to him tomorrow, when you’re both feeling calmer.” 

“I don’t know. Why would he want to be with me, Sakura? I’m nothing.” Ino starts crying again, desolated.

“Ino, that’s not true! Why would you say that? He has all the reasons for wanting to be with you, Ino. And if he doesn’t want to then he’s the most stupid boy I will ever know in this planet.” 

“Sakura, I’m so broken, you don’t understand.” 

“Explain me, Ino.” Sakura feels heartbroken just by seeing her friend crying like this and thinking so poorly of herself. She desperately wants to help but she doesn’t understand how. 

“There’s been some men, some boys…” Ino tries to explain, trying to control herself, to find some air to breathe, to not fall apart, staring at the ground. “...that hurt me.”

“What do you mean!?”

“I– I can’t say it,” Ino closes her eyes. “But it have broken me, Sakura. I was fourteen. I can’t talk about it. But then it kept happening on smaller scales, like men harassing me on the streets, cat-calling, boys taking me out just because they only wanted to fuck me. It’s so disgusting. I hate it, Sakura. I hate it.” 

Sakura feels wretched hearing Ino, looking her like that, knowing she’s been through so much pain. She feels helpless and the only thing Sakura can do is hug Ino, feeling like crying, too, because it pains her. 

“Ino, it’s not your fault. None of that has been your fault. It’s not your fault.” And those words meant everything for Ino, everything. They stayed outside for hours, in silence and sometimes talking, not even caring that it was getting colder. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a bad friend to you, Sakura. I hadn’t talk to you…” 

“Don’t say that.” After a pause, Sakura adds, “Have you told anyone?” 

“No. I did say something to Shikamaru, about the last guy I dated. It was unintended. I can’t imagine what he would do if I tell him everything. He was so furious when I told him about Aoba.” 

“I don’t blame him at all. But, Ino, I think you really should talk to someone. You can talk to me, of course, but I mean another type of help.” 

“I guess… I’ve been struggling so much to forget it. And when I’m with Shikamaru I feel like nothing's hurting anymore, you know?” 

“I know, but I don’t think there’s such a thing as completely forget it.” 

Ino sighs, it makes her think of Shikamaru. 

“I love him, Sakura. Even if there’s so much hurt in me, I really love him.” 

“I figured when I saw you both at the restaurant that night of Hinata's play. I saw him, too, you know? Everyone could see it.”

“What do you mean?” 

“I just know that he feels something for you, too. You should had seen the way he looked at you when we get there and the way he kept glancing at you.” 

Some faith was again restored on Ino. She felt suddenly lighter; talking made her feel lighter. Ino said something she never talked about before. She felt so lonely for so long, and if speaking about things make you feel lighter, like this, then Ino knows she wants to talk to Shikamaru. 

————————

Shikamaru feels miserable, he feels so numb, don’t even want to talk. There’s a book in front of him he should study, and he doesn’t want even to do that. Shikamaru keeps talking about yesterday when he fought with Ino. He got mad for nothing and everything was so annoying. But as annoying as it was, Shikamaru, deep inside, knew that he cared too much. 

“Shikamaru, are you here?” Naruto called him. He and Chouji were sitting in front of him at a diner. They were supposed to study but Chouji was already eating a cake and Naruto was soon distracted playing a video game, leaving Shikamaru to feel troubled and in pain. 

“Yeah…” Shikamaru stood his face up, removing it from his hands on the table. 

“Are you sure? You look pretty down.” 

“I didn’t sleep.” Chouji and Naruto glanced at each other. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Chouji asked. 

“Mmm, don’t know if I feel like it.” 

“This is about Ino?” The blonde abruptly asked and Shikamaru felt a slight jump on his heart hearing her name. Chouji was reprimanding Naruto with his look. 

“Wh-What?” Naruto gulped, feeling he said something wrong, “I mean, you’re dating her, right?” 

“NARUTO!” 

“It’s okay, Chouji. I don’t mind.” Shikamaru said, “I’m not really dating her, or I was, I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore.” 

“What are you talking about, Shikamaru? We all saw you two that night,” Chouji said confused. 

“It’s complicated, Chouji.” Not feeling like explaining his feelings, Shikamaru goes outside and take a breath of air. 

He leans on the wall and watches the sky. He reminisces of the moments he spent with Ino, those nights, the way she smiles, how Shikamaru thinks her smile is too precious for this world, how he feels like everything is worth it when he’s next to her. He doesn’t even want to leave to another college, he never wanted that, but now, Shikamaru doesn’t even want to think about leaving Ino. Shikamaru thinks of what Karin said to him, if Ino really likes him then not everything is lost? Those thoughts are interrupted when he spots the last person he wants to see right now next to him.

“Oi, Shikamaru.” It’s Aoba and a friend of him walking towards the diner. 

_Fucking hell._

Shikamaru spotted him sometimes previously, but that was before Ino told him what kind of shit he is. Shikamaru doesn’t say anything to him and he looks how the guy walks past him. Shikamaru feels something possesses him, exploding from fury, mixed with all the frustration he was feeling before, and Shikamaru suddenly grabs Aoba by the collar of his shirt and slams him on the wall. 

“WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE.” 

“You’re a piece of shit, you know?” Shikamaru feels someone gets behind him but he doesn’t care. 

“Shikamaru, calm down!” Naruto shouts. He feels Naruto and Chouji’s hands on his shoulders trying to pull him. 

“What the hell, man, let me go.” Aoba says and Shikamaru grabs him tighter, exploding from anger. 

“Should’ve done this sooner for what you did to Ino.” 

“What!? That’s what this is?” Aoba scoffs. “Dude, that was ages ago and she practically asked for it…” Shikamaru feels like he’s about to lose it. He was ready to punch Aoba on the face and break his stupid glasses, but Naruto and Chouji were all over him. 

“Shikamaru, calm down! What are you going to accomplish with that!?” Naruto kept yelling. Chouji finally could restraint Shikamaru on his arms. 

“Let him go, Shikamaru. He’s not worth it.” 

“What’s going on?” Sasuke was suddenly there, looking at the scene: Naruto and Chouji holding back Shikamaru, Aoba pulling himself together. 

“Fuck off, dude. I didn’t do anything to your little girlfriend.” Sasuke looks at Aoba then at an angry Shikamaru. 

“Just go,” Sasuke says calmly to Aoba but with enough threat in his voice to scare him. Aoba and his scared friend walk away. Shikamaru calms down after a while, his friends surrounding him. He feels stupid, frustrated. Maybe Shikamaru really didn’t accomplish anything with that, and he soon remembers that he promised Ino he wouldn’t do anything. Shikamaru made many promises, like not falling in love with her, but he did anyway. He guesses he lied about countless things. 

——————

Ino decided to go back to school two days later. After the intense talk she had with Sakura and how overwhelming was everything, she just didn’t have the strengths to deal with reality. 

Ino didn’t know if she should call or text Shikamaru, but all of a sudden Ino was decided to talk to him. She figured it was best to look out for him at school, he should be there. Ino promised herself she wouldn’t stay silent anymore or keeping things to herself. She wants to be with Shikamaru, she loves Shikamaru, that’s for sure. Ino feels like she has so much to lose, opening herself like that. Just months before she used to say she got no time for romance, for love. Ino didn’t want a boyfriend because, what was the point? Ino felt broken. And maybe she needs time to heal some things but she is sure she doesn’t want to do it without Shikamaru. 

Ino finally sees Shikamaru sitting on the library with other two kids. She remembers today he was supposed to tutor freshman students with the guide they worked on together. Not worried to interrupt, and feeling in a hurry, Ino walks to him. And Shikamaru sees her, too. He feels warm again, he feels so stupid, looking at her, wanting so bad to hug her, kiss her. Shikamaru hopes she is not here to yell him about his fight with Aoba. He hopes she doesn’t know about it yet. 

“Hey, can I talk to you?” Ino whispers. The students look at her confused and then they look at Shikamaru. 

“Umm, I’m in the middle of…”

“It won’t take long. I promise.” Ino is really in a hurry and Shikamaru stands up, excusing himself with the freshman, saying he won’t take long. Ino leads him two shelves further where no one could hear them. Ino doesn’t even know where to start. All her body is moving, her heart in the throat. She can hear everything, the little noises, each thing. 

“I’m sorry,” Shikamaru says first. “I’m sorry for saying you never talk. It wasn’t fair.” 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you.” 

“It’s okay,” Shikamaru looks sad, like if there’s something missing and Ino can’t understand it 

_Just say it, Ino!_

“I DONT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE ELSE.” And Ino realizes as soon as she says it that it probably came out louder than she thought. 

“What?” 

“I don’t want to have sex with anyone else, Shikamaru. I only want to be with you, okay?” Ino doesn’t give up, even if she is trying to smile with low expectations.

“I like you, Shikamaru. I really, really like you. And I don’t want to be with no one else but you. I don’t want to meet new guys, I don’t care about that. I came here to tell you this because you should know it. And I know I told you that we were just friends and I only wanted to have sex, but… Shikamaru, you… you are the only one I want.” Ino feels tears on her eyes and she feels stupid for wanting to cry. Shikamaru has a face like thunder and he just can’t figure it out. 

“Just think about it, okay? I’ll go.” Ino leaves a speechless Shikamaru feeling his heart dropped to the ground. And he wants to chase her, wants to do something, but he stays there and turns to see the table where he was sitting. He returns there and sits down, the kids sitting next to him look at him curious. 

“Hey, Shikamaru, is that your girlfriend?” The boy, Konohamaru, asks him. Shikamaru feels so shocked he doesn’t even know what to tell him. For being a smart student with perfect grades, he feels like the perfect idiot right now. 

“Shikamaru, you should go follow her,” the girl, Moegi, says. “She told you she likes you! Are you really going to leave her waiting?” she knits her brows. 

“Yeah, you should go,” Konohamaru says. And Shikamaru wants to tell them to shut up and mind their own business but he’s already standing up and going to find Ino. 

———————

“Ino!”

Shikamaru almost yells when he finds her walking outside the library, going down the stairs. She turns around and can’t help to feel a happiness that she hasn’t felt for so long. It reminds her when they were driving to his place, after the music festival. Shikamaru goes closer to Ino and she just waits there, waiting for something. 

And Shikamaru was just about to say something, but he can swear that life hates him in multiple ways and, out of the blue, he hears his father’s voice calling him. He turns around to see his father, Shikaku, waiting him next to Asuma. They were supposed to talk about Shikamaru’s future, about the university he’s attending on September. Shikamaru grumbles frustrated. He just wants that life gives him a break. 

“Wait a moment,” Shikamaru tells Ino.

“It’s okay, you should go, Shikamaru.” Ino smiles with all her strengths pretending she is okay and that she wasn’t expecting anything. Ino feels her heart burning, but no matter what, she is still in love.

Ino keeps walking down the stairs, she just wants to disappear from the world. Disappointment broke her again, and maybe Ino never should talk to him, and maybe she should let him go, let him be. Because Shikamaru is too good for her, he has so much future ahead, he is destined to be the greatest. And Ino just can’t, shouldn’t, stop him. 

“HEY” Ino feels someone is touching her arms, stopping her from walking. 

_What now, just let me leave in peace._

“Ino! Hey!” It’s Shikamaru. Ino feels numb. She’s holding back the tears and she just wants to run away. 

“Ino, stop. Ino!” Shikamaru pulls her close to him and he is suddenly leaning his face to hers. His forehead touching hers. Arms around her back, trying to stop her, trying to find her eyes, 

“Ino, look at me.” And Ino opens her eyes and dares to look at him, but she can’t talk. 

“Ino, hey.” Shikamaru is so close to her that Ino might faint right there. “Ino, I came here FOR YOU. Okay?” His lips are an inch away from hers. Shikamaru keeps looking for her even if Ino is there with him. It’s so tender, the way he keeps trying to keep her close to him.

“Ino, I came here for you. Hey! listen to me, Ino,” Shikamaru places both hands on her cheeks, cupping her face. “I came here for you. I love you, Ino.” 

Ino feels weak, hoping she is not in a dream. 

“W-why? Why do you want to be with me?” Ino cries, “I am nothing, and you… you…” 

“Ino, I love you. Didn’t you hear me?” Shikamaru says as she pulls her tighter to him,

“Stay here with me, Ino, please.” 

She wouldn’t go somewhere else. Ino is where she’s supposed to be. Even if she’s a mess of tears and insecurities, she feels pure bliss to be on the arms of the only boy she loves. 

And they’re both sure that Shikamaru’s father and Asuma are staring at them, not believing what is happening. Shikaku shocked to see his son not caring about his responsibilities, but Shikamaru doesn’t care at all. Because when he finally kisses Ino, the moment their lips meet, everything becomes quieter. Even though Ino kissed him million times before, somehow this one felt new and fresh. 

Shikamaru keeps his arms tightening around her, leaving Ino with not much space to move, only to touch his chest with her hands. Ino half laughs, half cries, and Shikamaru just stays there, comforting her, touching her forehead with his. 

“I love you, too, Shikamaru.” 

Shikamaru smiles, because those words now mean everything to him. He kisses her tears away. He knows they need to talk about a lot of things, and he knows he also needs to go talk to his dad, but for now, Shikamaru stays right where he is. 

“I thought of more than one hundred possibilities to tell you that I love you,” Shikamaru starts saying, “I even thought about quoting that Darcy man when he confessed to Elizabeth Bennet.” 

Ino laughs feeling waves of affection for the boy in front of her. Shikamaru faintly smiles and scratches the back of his hair. 

“I’m glad it turned out like this, though,” he says. 

“You should really go to talk to your dad, I promise you I’ll be here.” Ino kisses the corner of his mouth and lets Shikamaru resolve what he needs to. This time, not doubting anything. Love is about trust and Ino trusts him more than anything else. In the end, that’s why Ino wanted to have her first time with only Shikamaru.   
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. you’re my forever, boy

**_Be forever mine, you and I_ **

**_Be forever mine, boy, all the time_ **

**_Mine, time_ **

**_You’re my forever, boy. My forever boy._ **

**–Ariana Grande, Knew Better/Forever Boy**

  
  


It turned out that Ino didn’t have to wait a long time to see Shikamaru again. It was past dinner time but someone rang the doorbell of the house, and Ino knew it was him. Ino stood up so fast from the chair but her father, Inoichi, was the one who opened the door and greeted Shikamaru. 

“Shikamaru, what a surprise,” Ino hears Inoichi say. 

They exchanged three or four words more, but then Ino came closer to the door. Inoichi looked at her and then again at Shikamaru, he kind of understood that they wanted to be alone for a moment. Inoichi recognized the blushed cheeks of his daughter and Shikamaru’s curved smile. 

“Alright, I leave you to it. Don’t be too late, Ino.” And Inoichi left, closing the door, so Ino could stay outside with Shikamaru. 

When Ino got closer to Shikamaru, she felt inexplicably nervous, feeling butterflies in her stomach, not knowing what she should do. But Shikamaru touched her hand and they were so near, looking at each other, and Ino kissed him on the lips, not afraid that her parents might be spying on them from the window. 

Shikamaru finds himself grinning like an idiot, but he couldn’t help feeling complete when Ino’s lips where on his, or just feeling her presence next to him. He felt relieved. A relief that he never understood, or felt before. 

“How did it go with your dad?” Ino lead Shikamaru to the nearest bench outside her house so they could sit. She wanted to take a seat next to him but Shikamaru sat first, pulling her hand so she could be on his lap. His arms around her waist, his chin resting on Ino’s back, and Ino just caressed the arms that were surrounding her, making her feel safe. 

“He will be fine. I just needed to talk to him about my future.” 

“What did you tell him?” Ino feels a stabbing pain on her stomach, fearing what Shikamaru would say. 

“That I wanted to stay here, that I didn’t want to go to another city to college. I want to make my own decisions.” Ino felt relieved. 

“So, are you staying?” 

“Mhm,” Shikamaru hums and Ino feels the vibration of his voice on her body, and she stays calm, all swept away that he is there with her. 

“You’re not giving up your future because of me, right?” Her hands are tighter on his arms, like she is afraid to let him go. 

“I’m not giving up, Ino. And besides, what’s so good about having a future if I can’t be with the girl I love?” 

Ino remembers how many times she saw Neji and Tenten, or Naruto and Sasuke, or even any other couple, and thought that she couldn’t possibly have a life like that, because she wasn’t as lucky as the other– if lucky is really the word. How many times she resigned, even at just seventeen years old, to be in love, to have what others had, to feel this way. And Ino turns faintly around to look at the boy that is holding her tight, and kisses him without preamble, without fear. 

“Why are you so sweet to me?” Ino whispers on his lips, her forehead touching his, and her hand caressing his cheek, “you make my heart ache.” But it’s not a bad ache, it’s a totally different one. It’s full of affection and love. 

“I have to tell you something, Ino.” 

“Is it bad?” 

“I don’t want to ask you the thing that I was planning to before telling you this.” Ino wants to murder him for causing the anxiousness she’s feeling right now. 

“You are really messing me up here, Shikamaru.” 

“It’s nothing bad! But maybe you’re going to be mad at me.” 

Ino moves from his lap and sits next to him, still close and holding each other afraid to let go. 

“The day after we argued I kinda got into a fight. It wasn’t really a fight. I saw Aoba and… and I just lost control. I’m sorry, Ino. I know I promised you I wouldn’t do anything.”

“What do you mean you lost control? Did you punch him?” Ino asked worried. 

“No. I wanted to. But Chouji and Naruto were all over me, holding me back. I’m sorry. I just saw him and I lose it.” Shikamaru knows Ino will get mad and she probably will leave and never talk to him again, but when he looks at her, Ino is calm. She’s staring down at her feet, still holding his hand, and Ino looks pensive, worried. 

“Ino?” Ino takes a deep breathe. 

“I’m not mad. I’m just… I don’t know.” Ino looks sad and Shikamaru wishes he could change time and never causing her the pain he’s doing right now. 

“I’m sorry. I was an asshole. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Shika, you never hurt me! I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not mad at you. I mean, I wished you didn’t do anything because I care about you and I don’t want you to get into a fight, and specially not because of me. I’m sad because I only want that thing to be forgotten. Sakura told me there’s no such thing as forgetting, but I don’t want to carry this forever with me…”

Ino looks at him and she swears Shikamaru has tears in his eyes. And Ino doesn’t remember ever having seen him cry. She holds his hands tighter. 

“There’s so much of me I don’t want to carry anymore. The thing with Aoba is the least one. But there’s more. And… it’s been hard to talk about…” and Ino is blinking back the tears. 

“I want to feel better, Shikamaru. I want to. And I want to love myself the way I know I love you. Because you make me want to feel… that I want to be at peace with myself.” 

Ino smiles, with tears in her eyes, because all she said is true and it’s overwhelming how much a person can change you. They stay that way for what it seems forever and Ino then remembers her parents are waiting for her and that, unfortunately, Shikamaru needs to go home, too. 

Before Shikamaru leaves and before Ino opens the door of her house, she looks at him remembering something. 

“Wait, what did you want to ask me before?” 

“Mmm..” Shikamaru scratches the back of his hair. “This is not how I wanted to do it.”

“Come on, please tell me.” Shikamaru knows Ino won’t let go. 

“Aah! I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend. But I didn’t want it to go like this. It’s nothing special. I’ll make something better, I’ll ask you better.”

Ino laughs quietly, not able to contain her smile and bliss. 

“I don’t need you to do anything special. I love it just this way.” Ino kisses the corner of his mouth again before she goes inside. “I really want you to be my boyfriend.” 

Shikamaru thinks Ino’s happiness is the most precious thing in the world for him. 

“Ah, what a drag…” he says grinning. 

————————

Next day, Ino was more joyful than she ever felt, but as happy as she was, there was something else that didn’t let her be satisfied and Ino knew she needed to do something about it. 

Ino couldn’t wait any longer and brought Shikamaru to her house, at the time she was sure her parents were working. It wasn’t the first time he was in her bedroom, and somehow, it felt like he had never been there before. 

They both kissed ardently, desperate to be free from the clothes that bothered their skins and touching each other all around. Ino pulled him closer to the bed and she laid down first, pulling him on top of her. She was still full with clothes except for her shirt. Shikamaru was anxiously trying to catch his breath again because he was feeling hornier than ever. He just couldn’t believe the way Ino always surprises him; she can be so horny, nasty, kinky, but affectionate, understanding, and loving in the same way. It’s not good for Shikamaru’s heart. 

Ino looks at him the same manner she always does when she can’t wait anymore. She touches his hand, leading it down, at the same time slightly taking down the top of his jeans, so he can have space. Ino makes him touch the wetness of her panties and Shikamaru gulps. He likes it so damn much. 

“Touch me, please.” Shikamaru always, always complies. 

He touches her carefully, hearing her soft moans because Ino feels like dying of pleasure. And Shikamaru moves two fingers inside her, adding pressure, and just thrusting softly in her vagina, looking how Ino moans and how she is enjoying it. And at the same time, with other finger, he makes contact with her clit, caressing it softly, circling it. 

“Fuck, Ino.” Shikamaru gasps, too lost on glancing at her, hearing her voice. Ino starts twitching because the jolts of pleasure are coming faster and faster, and she can only hold Shikamaru on top of her while she whimpers on his ear. It's so astonishing and irresistible. He feels forever tied with her and Ino doesn’t want it in any other way. She is soon again kissing him and stroking his throbbing dick, after finally removing all their clothes. 

“I want to fuck so bad, Shikamaru,” Ino says mercilessly and before Shikamaru can cum just by hearing her, he slightly stands up. Shikamaru grabs Ino’s hips pulling them upwards and he moves closer to her from behind, 

“Is this okay?” He asks to be sure. 

“Yeah, it is,” Ino is certain, she is always certain with him. 

And then Shikamaru gently gets inside her, and when he does, there are only whines coming out from his mouth. The room is full with noises from their whines when Shikamaru thrusts fast and then faster, as Ino asks him to, the touch of skin on skin, the bed softly creaking. And Ino doesn’t have the voice anymore to keep moaning, she just lets her mouth open in silent moans with each thrust. She enjoys it, so much. They both do. 

Shikamaru suddenly stops before finishing because he wants to look at her, be next to Ino. And before Ino screams at him for stopping, he gently changes the position, laying her on the bed, and going close to her. Ino automatically wraps her legs on his hips, tightening his waist and holding his neck with her hands. She loves this. Ino loves everything about this, about him. 

“I love you,” Ino utters with not much force left. 

“I love you.” And Shikamaru cums after two more thrusts, resting defeated on Ino. 

———————

Ino finds that the days left for the last semester are more bearable than what they used to be. She spends time with Shikamaru and trying to finish her final papers, and as much as they both want to do something else, like making out or having sex, they manage to get the work done. 

Another thing has changed for Ino. Thanks to Sakura’s help, Ino starts going to therapy. At first it’s hard. She doesn’t like to speak at all about what was, is, troubling her so much. But with time, Ino starts talking. Her therapist advises her to write about it, maybe even telling to someone else. And one day, without planning it, after Ino and Shikamaru go out for a cup of coffee after trying to study, Ino talks to him. There is no really easy way to just verbalize it, so when they’re both sitting on the kitchen table at Ino’s place, Ino tells him. 

“I need to tell you something.” Shikamaru just listens, as he always does. And Ino tells him. What she couldn’t tell to no one else, not even to Sakura the afternoon Ino and Shikamaru fought; she was so afraid of telling someone. Ino couldn’t. But now, it’s so easy. She does it. Ino tells Shikamaru. The event. The thing she will never forget about no matter how much she tries. _I was fourteen. That’s why I hate sudden loud noises. Finding people walking behind me when I haven’t heard them approaching. I’m scared all the time. I wish nobody feels the way I do. Terrified._

Her therapist told Ino that she would probably never forget about it, but that’s not entirely bad, because it doesn’t define her. Maybe she will remember it forever, maybe some days Ino won’t think about it, but Ino survived. She is a survivor. 

When Ino finishes telling him everything to Shikamaru, she feels a weight has been removed from her chest. Ino feels lighter, free. She glances at him and Shikamaru just leans on her. His head gently resting on her shoulder and Ino feels how much Shikamaru is wretched to know about this. Ino hears Shikamaru cry and they just hug. He holds her tight. And that’s enough for Ino. It’s more than enough. He is there with her. Ino feels safe. She feels relieved.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

It’s not her fault. It never was. Maybe talking it’s not that bad after all, perhaps having someone to share your pain with it’s better. 

“I didn’t want to be seen differently. I didn’t want you to see me different.” 

“I wouldn’t, Ino.” 

Ino feels overflowed with emotions but Shikamaru helds her, not letting her go. 

———————

Shikamaru didn’t change with Ino after that but, inevitably, Shikamaru felt more protective towards Ino in a certain way. He always took care of her, but there was something in his touch that felt more special. 

“You know you can’t protect me from everything, right?” 

Ino cuddles next to him on his bed. Both naked after having the mind blowing sex. 

“I know. I wish I could, though.” 

“You’re here and that’s what matters to me.” 

“I’m amazed how you can change from being the kinkiest person in the world to being the most affectionate one.” 

Shikamaru doesn’t tell her that he wishes they could’ve been like this sooner. Maybe not meeting anyone else before. He wishes Ino didn’t had to go through all the violence and the pain, and how he hates not having been there for her. But Shikamaru understands it's no use to regret the past. He focuses on the present and the future.

“I like all the parts of you, you know?” Shikamaru says out of the blue. “I wouldn’t change anything. Even if we did everything backwards.” 

“I’d do it again, Shika. I love you.” 

_Shikamaru, I want to have sex with you_

Her words still echoes on his mind. 

————————

“Hey, are you ever going to hang with me and my friends, like Karin?” Ino says as she puts her clothes back on, messing with Shikamaru because Ino knows he is terrified of the red-haired girl. He scratches the back of his hair and looks mortified. Ino giggles to herself. 

“Come on, Shika! She’s not that bad!” Ino laughs, teasing him. 

“She scares me with her hostility.”

“I promise she won’t kill you.” 

“Agh, fine. I’ll think about it,” Shikamaru sighs, not a bit excited about the idea. Not that Karin would ever hang with them because Karin hates being social and dislikes the idea of going on double dates. Shikamaru would just have to bear with Karin on small occasions.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

On the last week of school, Ino wakes up at the sound of her alarm. For some reason, she has been sleeping way sounder than the previous years. It might be because high school is coming to and end, it might be because she’s learning to live with her anxiety little by little, or perhaps is because she is feeling safer everyday. Ino looks at her cell phone and reads Shikamaru’s text. 

_Shikamaru_

Wanna come tonight to dinner at my house? My parents are really insisting. I know it’s a drag but it would be nice if you come. 

Even if Ino has been there countless times for dinner, she can’t help to feel quite nervous. 

_Ino_

Dinner, at your place, with your parents… okay. I mean, it’s not the first time. 

_Shikamaru_

Right, you’ll be fine. 

_Ino_

Why are you saying it like this!? Now I’m freaking out!!!!!

_Shikamaru_

You’ll be fine! They already know you! And they love you. 

_Ino_

But I’m not their longtime friend’s daughter anymore. Now I’m your girlfriend!!!!!

_Shikamaru_

They’re just going to ask you if you want to get married and how many kids do you want to have.

_Ino_

WHAT 

_Shikamaru_

I’m kidding.

———————

Ino walks towards Shikamaru’s house, a road she knows like the palm of her hand. She holds the same flowers Ino always brings to Shikamaru’s mother, Yoshino. And Ino reminisces when she brought her the orchids the day she asked Shikamaru to have sex with her. It seems a lifetime ago but it was only two months ago when Ino was totally convinced she could control every aspect of her life, like who fall in love with. Ino surely didn’t expect she would end up being girlfriend of her longtime friend. 

Her thoughts are interrupted when she spots Shikamaru waiting for her, holding a cigarette on his hand, leaned on a wall, looking ridiculously handsome effortlessly. _Ugh, I hate you for being so hot even just smoking and doing nothing._

As much as Shikamaru always wants to seem the careless boy, whenever he sees Ino, he grins like an idiot as if he was looking at her for the first time. 

“Are you waiting for me?” Shikamaru smiles and makes Ino’s anxiousness disappear for a moment. 

Shikamaru waits until Ino walks ahead of him and wraps his arms around her. Ino feels him humming against her shoulder

“I just wanted to make sure you’re not freaking out,” he teases. They walk like this, even if it might be uncomfortable, for the last block before arriving to Shikamaru’s house. 

Ino squirms in Shikamaru’s hold to turn around and press their chests together. 

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” she leaves a quick kiss. 

Shikamaru smiles and takes her hand as he leads her to the door. 

“Shikamaru,” Ino stops walking for a moment so he can turn around to catch her stare. 

“I’m in love with you, just so you know it,” she rants, as honest as she can. Then, Ino buries her face in Shikamaru’s neck right away, nuzzling the skin there and catching Shikamaru off guard, her hold around Shikamaru’s middle tightens almost as if she’s afraid he will go away. Shikamaru can only hug her too. _I’m not leaving, Ino. Never._

They sway from side to side until Ino feels calmer. Shikamaru takes her hand again and smiles in the way that devastates Ino. Her favorite smile in the world. 

“I’m in love with you, Ino, just so you know it too.” 

If anyone had told Shikamaru he would be falling without precedents for Ino, he wouldn’t had believe it at first. But then again, life works in mysterious ways and as you least expect it; sometimes doing everything backwards, but fitting the right pieces at the end, like a puzzle.

He feels a new relief next to her. 

Finally. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aahhh so I’m sad it’s over but I wanted to say some things before..
> 
> Thank you so much if you read this little fic. 
> 
> Also, I know there’s no background or a real explanation of Ino’s trauma and abuse, but as I came up with the story I didn’t want to go into details. It felt, for me, that when Ino tells Shikamaru about the abuse it was better like this. However, I would really like in the future to continue the story and maybe exploring deeper on Ino’s past.


End file.
